Kalahari Lighthouse

Meme

2006-12-11T01:36:00.000-08:00

Ten things I would never do, pinched (not tagged) from Misty:

1. Eat marmite. I've scraped more palatable stuff from inside engine blocks. Honestly, what are you people thinking?

2. Give up my residual, hardwired chip-on-shoulder resentment of the Royal family. I mean, that the f*ck is this all about? Who are all the people who voted? Do they *all* watch equestrianism, where, let's face it, the horse is doing most of the work? (insert she-looks-like-a-horse gag here)

3. Buy napkin rings. No, no, no, NOOOO!

4. Get opera. I try, I really do, but I find it hard to suspend disbelief that much. Maybe I haven't seen the right one yet.

5. Buy the Daily Mail.

6. Vote Tory. Even if there was a gun to my head, I think I would find it very hard. Again, probably hardwired. I blame my grandfather. He sat my on his knee when I was no more than five, pointed at the scary woman with the big handbag and the funny man-voice who was on the telly, and said to me, 'That, little Moai, that, is the enemy.'

7. Give up on Wales. Even after things like this, I have kept going, kept hoping. I think it's a form of psychopathy.

8. Embrace a monotheistic religion. I lost all faith in a benevolent, omnipotent god on this day.

9. Read Harry Potter. I've lasted this long, I see no reason to give up my cherished ignorance now. Anyway, I can watch the films at Christmas with a sherry and a chocolate orange like everyone else.

10. Give up blogging *altogether*. Sigh.

Wilfred Llewellyn Manning

2006-10-26T02:04:00.000-07:00

Wilfred Llewellyn Manning was born on the 31 March 1923 in Merthyr Tydfil. His father was a traveling salesman from Essex who moved to Merthyr to sell miner's lamps.

Afflicted with polio at an early age, he used a stick and built-up shoe for the rest of his life. As such, his war service was in the Home Guard. A natural engineer and craftsman with a gift for drawing and maths, he spent most of his working career as a toolmaker and draughtsman at Merthyr's Hoover factory. In retirement, he enjoyed modelmaking in Meccano and woodworking, making wooden castles and garages for his grandson. A sociable man who laughed easily, he enjoyed relaxing at the Aberfan & Merthyr Vale Working Men's Club with a pipe or cigar and glass of rum. He also contributed his time and craftsmanship to the narrow-gauge Brecon Mountain Railway, refurbishing the carriages. He was frequently called upon by friends and family to fix malfunctioning household appliances. An avid reader throughout his life, he was particularly fond of sci-fi.

He died at Prince Charles Hospital in Merthyr Tydfil in March 1989. He married once. He was cremated and his ashes scattered next to the tracks of the Brecon Mountain Railway. His wife Marion (b.8 Jan 1925) died in 1998.

He had two sons, Robert, who still lives in Merthyr, and John, a university graduate who moved to Barry. Both sons married, and subsequently divorced. Known grandchildren are Ceri, Ross and at least two others (including a set of twins.)

I commit this to the web, for remembrance's sake.

It's no good

2006-08-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

...I'm not saying anything that a million other people aren't saying faster and better. So, I'm shutting up the Lighthouse for good. I'll still be commenting elsewhere though. It's been fun.

Bye all.

The Moai

I'm baaaack!

2006-08-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

And I'm angry.

The court heard Miss Green believed she was targeted by four women - Valerie Alexander, manager of the insurance division; her PA Fiona Gregg; telephone directory administrator Daniella Dolbear; and Jenny Dixon, a PA.

Bullied by your own PA?

'She was promoted twice before she received stress counselling in March 2000, paid for by the company, and assertiveness training.... Her job was kept open until September 2003....'

....And then got 800 feckin' grand handed to her! Could they have done any more for her?

A man would have been laughed out of court with these accusations.

Does this woman not realise the damage she has done for the prospects of other women who want to work in the City? As if women don't have enough problems getting into banks, this will make hiring City managers even more wary of hiring litigious victims of 'stress' and 'bullying'.

Aaaaagh!

Au revoir

2006-06-29T02:04:00.000-07:00

Both of my regular readers will have noticed a distinct lack of activity in the Lighthouse of late. Frankly, I am running a bit short of inspiration, so I am going to shut up shop for a while to recharge the batteries. Back later this summer.

My parting shot, which may inspire a little debate, is this: the greatest band ever formed from any members, dead or alive. My picks:

Guitar: Jimi Hendrix. No question about it, the greatest guitarist who has ever lived. Second choice:

Vocals: Jim Morrison. Tremendous lyrics, and a wonderful voice that can range from a scream to a sigh. Second choice: Freddie Mercury.

Bass: Cliff Burton. Controversial, I know, but technically brilliant and incredibly disciplined, and one of the few listenable bass soloists. If not him, then Jon Entwhistle. Or Peter Hook. Hmmm.

Keyboards: Ludwig Van Beethoven. Seriously. Language barrier aside, he was an absolute master of mood and melody.

Drums: Just edging out Keith Moon, it has to be the mighty John Bonham.

Mixing: The KLF. Imagine what they could do with the sounds made by the above.

Bye for now.

The Moai will return

More naked populism

2006-06-23T01:50:00.000-07:00

Here.

Translation: 'We took a spanking in the council elections because of this, especially in London. People have noticed that we are involved in naked profiteering. We're f*cked. Quick, change it, do something, anything'

Oh well, the reaction may be populist, but it does seem sensible. A Camden parking vulture* once booked a bike on a yellow line. Its rider was lying ten feet away being treated by paramedics after a crash. They have also fined a man who stopped to change his false leg. Yes, really.

* - this is unfair. Vultures are useful creatures, that keep the area clean by eating carrion. A persistent, primitive, harmful parasite like a lamprey or tick or intestinal hookworm may be a better comparison.

Plonk

2006-06-22T05:13:00.000-07:00

Via Wat Tyler, the EU plans to spend your money on saving inefficient producers of unwanted wine.

Oddly enough, the producers in question are mainly in France and Italy.

What did the EU to help British farmers when the beef ban, followed by foot & mouth, drove many to the wall, and some to kill themselves? Absolutely sod all. I wonder why.

Want

2006-06-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

Want. Badly.

The perfect gift for the hayfever-ridden Easter Islander.

Names

2006-06-20T04:20:00.000-07:00

This is very worrying. I know that at least two other people in the UK share my name. Imagine how many Mohammed Khans, John Smiths, and Dave Joneses there are, just to give a few examples. If someone with the same name as you is convicted of child abuse and that name is published... well, what might happen to you?

'In a statement, Mr Reid said his "starting point" was "that information should no longer remain the exclusive preserve of officialdom".'
Good, I look forward to a full enquiry into the July 7th bombings then.

On a lighter note:
'Up to 1,000 Dutch fans watched their side play Ivory Coast in their underpants on Friday after they were denied entry to Stuttgart's stadium for wearing orange trousers with the name of a Dutch brewery which was not an official sponsor.' link

Life in Baghdad

2006-06-20T02:31:00.000-07:00

... as reported by the US ambassador, here.

'In March, a few members approached us to ask what provisions would we make for them if we evacuate....'

Forward

2006-06-15T03:02:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent me an email forward; the sort of thing I thought had died out in 1997. Anyway, it is reproduced below. Italicised text is mine....

> 1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would
die
> for you.
Name them.
>
> 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
Blimey, will they all lend me money?
>
> 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they
want
> to be just like you.
What about all the people who hate Hitler? Or Tony Blair? Or Michael
Barrymore?
>
> 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they
> don't like you.
NHS dental work. I rest my case.
>
> 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to
sleep.
Plotting to kill me, most likely.
>
> 6. You mean the world to someone.
>
> 7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
I have not given birth recently. Unless I have been kdnapped by aliens
in my sleep, and cloned, to create a slave army of genetically modified
Cyber-Welshmen.

Could happen, you know, maybe the aliens need miners or something.
>
> 8. You are special and unique.
And we ALL know what 'special' meant at school... Mmmggguuuuhhh!!!
>
> 9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
Eh?
>
> 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes
> from it.
You press the wrong red button, the bomb is launched, a city dissolves
into smoke, worldwide nuclear fallout, war, chaos.

However, the price of holidays abroad drops.
>
> 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a
> look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
The bells! The bells! Esmerelda!
>
> 12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want,
> you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself,
> probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
So, one day I really will have my own volcano island-secret base with a
submarine crewed by blonde teenagers in silver catsuits?
>
> 13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about
the
> rude remarks.
Am I allowed to remember the rude remarks I've made? I am especially
fond of the time I called a bloke I know a 'goat-felching rimjobber'.
Very proud of that, it's almost Chaucerian in its poetry.
>
> 14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel
> much better when they know.
You're nice.

I still need coffee.
>
> 15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know
> that they are great.
I did, and Rob asked me if I was drunk, and if I wanted to borrow money.

Blair's lying again 2

2006-06-12T04:28:00.000-07:00

This man deserves a blog *all of his own.* The Cock-Up Fairy strikes again:

'Metropolitan Police Authority chairman Len Duvall has defended police commissioner Sir Ian Blair amid growing calls for his resignation.
Sir Ian is facing mounting criticism after a raid by anti-terrorist police on a house in Forest Gate, east London....' Here

Has any other high-profile public servant endured so much flak and stayed in office so long? If he was a CEO of a public company, he'd have been gone long ago.

I'd go. If he resigns he'll go on a full police pension. Why delay the inevitable?

Something to remember

2006-06-12T04:17:00.000-07:00

'Don't you believe in flying saucers, they ask me? Don't you believe in telepathy? — in ancient astronauts? — in the Bermuda triangle? — in life after death?

No, I reply. No, no, no, no, and again no.

One person recently, goaded into desperation by the litany of unrelieved negation, burst out "Don't you believe in anything?"

"Yes", I said. "I believe in evidence. I believe in observation, measurement, and reasoning, confirmed by independent observers. I'll believe anything, no matter how wild and ridiculous, if there is evidence for it. The wilder and more ridiculous something is, however, the firmer and more solid the evidence will have to be."'
- Isaac Asimov

I am trying to avoid reading too much about Tony bleedin' Blair and his fellow band of mendacious incompetents at the moment. It's just bad for my blood pressure. In fact, I am generally trying to avoid confrontations with people I disagree with full stop, because it is not good for me, or those around me, to grab people by the lapels and bellow 'CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!' at full volume. I don't do it because I feel superior, I do it because I desperately want people to start using the brains they have been born with, I want desperately for them to open their eyes. And because it is just not nice, not polite, to attack people. Pick your fights, they say, and they are right.

But, this is why I get so confused and perplexed about astrology, alternative medicine and pseudoscience. The truth of the universe around is staggeringly beautiful, so why are you covering your eyes and filling your brain with nonsense? To quote the great Dr Asimov again:

"Inspect every piece of pseudoscience and you will find a security blanket, a thumb to suck, a skirt to hold. What have we to offer in exchange? Uncertainty! Insecurity!"

Two hundred year old swearing

2006-06-08T06:46:00.000-07:00

An 1811 Dictionary Of The Vulgar Tongue.

Note the number of phrases for vomiting....

Purpose

2006-06-08T03:57:00.000-07:00

The Magistrate has happened across a purpose for ID cards.

Sue Townsend's wonderful Number Ten contains a great passage on this issue. A copper is asked by the Prime Minister why he wouldn't want an 'entitlement card', as surely he has 'nothing to hide'. I paraphrase, as exact memory escapes me:

'I've got plenty to hide! I don't want the government knowing what books I borrow from the library, my stepfather's criminal record, what political parties I belong to, and how much I drink. I've got plenty to hide. Haven't you, Prime Minister?'

Minnows thump Wallabies

2006-06-08T01:29:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I went to the IRB Sevens rugby tournament at that eleventh circle of hell, Twickenham. A thoroughtly good day was had by all, with some execellent rugby, but the real high point was an extraordinary David v Goliath victory that, as far as I know, has had no coverage anywhere else apart from this brief note.

Russia beat Australia.

Russia beat Australia at rugby. Not narrowly, convincingly, 21-5.

This is nothing short of astonishing.

The hero of the hour was Igor Galinovskiy, who put three tries past the Ozzies, inspiring the crowd to begin chanting 'Iiiiiii-gooor....' No doubt this baffled the poor chap. The thing that really hit home for me was the Russians' kit. As one of them shot past me on his way to the try line, I noticed they carried no sponsors' logos; on closer inspections, their red tops and blue shorts carried no logos or badges at all, not even the Russian flag. These lads had flown halfway round the world, bought some generic red training tops, gone out, and beat the Ozzies at a game that they are world beaters in. It was an amazing victory, and the crowd loved them for it. This is what rugby should be all about. Well done Russia!

In other news, the hayfever season has started. With a vengeance. Honestly, how does my head manage to generate so muh goo? Where does it all come from? The goo gland?

If you have to travel on the Jubilee line at about 820am, I apologise for the volume of my sneezing. I'm off to steam my head.

Blair's lying again

2006-06-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

Sir Ian, that is. Via Mr Eugenides, he is at it again. The man is a total cock-up magnet, worthy of a blog of his own, and to be honest I'm amazed he's still in office. He's Prescotting.

(To) Prescott - verb; to cling on to political office long after one's turn. qv. Mandelsonning (to switch political offices repeatedly, in the face of calls to resign).

Linkage

2006-05-24T03:04:00.000-07:00

Sidebar blogroll updated; I can heartily recommend all of them, especially Rhetorically Speaking, Free Market Fairy Tales, Kaptain Kobold (lovely chap) and Emerald Bile (most definitely NOT safe for work, or kids. Very sweary).

Speechless

2006-05-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

An Early Day Motion tabled for Parliament:

CONDUCT OF LABOUR HON. MEMBERS AT MAY 2006 FUNDRAISER
22.05.2006

Jackson, Stewart

That this House notes that senior members of the Labour Party including hon. Members and Government Ministers attended a party fundraising event last week at the Arts Club in Mayfair; further notes that a copy of the official report by Lord Hutton into the death of Government scientist Dr David Kelly, signed by Ms Cherie Booth QC, was auctioned for party funds raising £400; believes this conduct to be in appalling bad taste, arrogant and crassly insensitive in seeking to make money, albeit indirectly, through hawking, as a novelty item, an official Government report into the death of a public servant; regrets the distress caused to the family and friends of the late Dr Kelly; calls on the Labour Party to apologise for such tasteless and offensive conduct and to donate the money raised to an appropriate charity; and deprecates such conduct by hon. Members.

Via The Vented Spleen, originating with Iain Dale - hat-tip to that man.

This needs publicising, double-quick.

A country is born

2006-05-22T04:38:00.000-07:00

Or in this case, reborn - Montenegro. Interestingly, part of the reason for seceding is that 'an independent Montenegro would have a stronger economy and be a better candidate for admission into the European Union.' All around the world new countries are forming and ethnic groups are asserting their individuality, while here in Europe we seem to be flying in the face of history, in our movement towards ever greater union with our neighbours. No doubt Montenegro's desire to join Europe is more about economic considerations than a desire for ever-closer political union. Other examples of groups seeking independence and new nations forming here, here, and here, and of course here; the tide of history does not seem to favour the EU!

Getting normal people to vote Tory

2006-05-19T03:14:00.000-07:00

If Call-me-Dave Cameron went on the warpath about this, he could score some serious points - not fluffy, PR-stunt 'I love baby seals' points, but solid, reliable votes on a vital policy matter. So why doesn't he pull his thumb out of his a*se and do it? It's a perfect core Conservative policy matter - all about personal liberty, a presumption of innocence, freedom from state molestation, and preservation of the smallest government possible.

So where is the war-cry, Dave?

Can anyone think of other policy areas the Tories are ignoring to their detriment? In a similar vein, there is this....

RIP, Alan Clark.

Travel in style

2006-05-18T03:20:00.000-07:00

One of the joys of blogging is that it allows you to get up on your soapbox and advocate whatever cause takes your fancy. So, here is one of my odder ranty causes.

I love odd cars. Old cars (here), cars imported from odd countries (here), ones built from bits of other cars (here), I love them all. I had an early start; my grandfather, an otherwise extraordinarily frugal man who will straighten out a rusty bent nail and who keeps thirty-year-old scaffolding planks 'just in case', has one financial weak spot, and I appear to have inherited it. He has owned Armstrong-Siddeleys, Rovers, ex-Army Humber staff cars, MGS, Daimler V12s, and (most wonderfully) Rolls Royces. I intend to follow this glorious example. There is something wonderful about the scent and feel of an old car and I defy anyone with a soul not to turn their head and smile when a sedate fifties Jag glides away.

Far too many people drive boring cars and are chucking money away on depreciation (see here). Once I have finally cleared my debts it is dead cert that I will buy something thoroughly impractical. eBay is particularly dangerous in this regard. Someone recently posted, and quickly sold, a Marlin Roadster (here) with a Rover V8 in it. This rocket-powered rollerskate would get to 60mph in under 7 seconds, looked wonderful and went for £3500. £3500. That is secondhand Fiesta money.

So, why not buy something interesting? Common objections are:

Old cars break down all the time! What a load of crap. Until Ken eliminated them for dubious accessibility reasons, most of London's Routemaster fleet was around forty years old, running all day every day in appalling, engine-shredding conditions. The original winding gear in Tower Bridge was in use for over eighty years (here). Any piece of machinery that is well maintained and used within its performance envelope will keep going. Anyone who has travelled in the developing world will have seen how old cars can be kept in regular, punishing use on horrible roads by enterprising owners. See here for the record.

What about the environment?
Many old cars will run on lead-free petrol. Nearly all others can be converted to run on it. And in the meantime, you can use lead replacement additive. The more important point here is re-use of an existing resource. Building new cars is a very toxic process, involving a lot of metal extraction, plastic use and heavy metal run-off - re-use an existing one and you are doing the soil a favour. See this article.

Are they safe?
All cars have to pass a yearly MOT. All kitcars must pass an SVA. UK road safety rules are stringent. Next!

But they're expensive!
Oh, please. Let's compare some prices:
£2000: a second hand Renault Clio. Or, a mint condition Seventies mini.
£3000: a second hand Peugeot 306. Or, a seventies Jag.
£5000: a second hand Ford Focus. Or, a Porsche 944! Or, a Tatra 603, or mint condition Triumph Spitfire
£10,000: a recent Ford Mondeo (oh, the excitement!) Or, a pukka Ferrari.....

Insurance can be dead cheap in some many because the insurers recognise that people who care about their car are unlikely to be doing doughnuts in council estate car parks. You can also get agreed mileage packages for 'weekend use only' cars, and get a discount via an owners club. Parts and maintenance are often cheaper than comparable moderns, due to the lack of electronic gubbins on pre-eighties machinery.

I need to commute!
See the reliability question above.... most of these cars were designed for commuter use! Here are some good examples of excellent, fun daily drivers here, here, and here.

So, stop filling the roads with boring, overpriced crap, and be nice to yourself. Make the roads a more interesting place, and make old people and small children smile as you glide by. Buy something interesting!

Blair's on his way out.

2006-05-17T03:31:00.000-07:00

No, not that one, this one. I particularly like this quote:
He added that an ''ever-growing arm'' of community safety officers had replaced police and were walking the streets like ''gaggles of lost shoppers''.

Genuine free stuff on the web: of more use to Seppo readers, but still, there's some stuff on there.

The Yorkshire dialect for medics. Genius. Especially the menstruation synonyms.

The Moai's Tips For The Day:

If you wish to top yourself, do not do it by chucking yourself in front of a rush-hour Jubilee line train. We all know what 'passenger action' means on the Underground announcements, and thousands of people will be cursing your departed soul. Slit your wrists or something.

Nutters! Your perpetual motion machine will not and can not work. The UK Patent Office will agree with me. Now leave me alone.

Anyone who uses the word 'commercial' twice or more in a sentence is a) talking corporate crap, and/or b) trying to shaft you.

My firm have broached calling in some human resources consultants to 'improve human resources provision.' I have the horrible feeling it might be these people.

Stunned

2006-05-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

The Nameless Tory brings this list to my attention.

I am stunned, utterly stunned.

Rock Heroes? I knew NME was pretentious crap, but they call this a list of great rock heroes? Thom Yorke writes ear-bleeding whines for miserable middle-class teenagers, Ian Brown has done nothing of substance since the Stone Roses, Morrissey lost it years ago and who the f*ck is Carl Barat?

Where the f*ck is Keith Richards? And Jimi Hendrix?

Any list of rock heroes that does not include any members of the Doors, Led Zep, the Who, or the Beatles is utterly redundant. Get some perspective, lads.

Won't argue with Kurt though.

The contract

2006-05-12T03:40:00.000-07:00

A lot of people are getting very aerated about the case of this unfortunate lady.

I have a question. A brief one.

Why does she not have travel insurance with health cover?

I visited Sri Lanka recently, and before I went, I took out travel insurance, with a genrous health cover, so that, if I did fall ill, the costs of treating me would be covered. Sri Lanka's free, universal health service has no obligation to treat me free of charge. Why should it? I have never contributed to it, and it has its own people to deal with. I was a tourist, a guest. It was my responsibility to ensure I had this cover, and it was made clear to me I should have it by HM's Foreign Office.

The cost of this cover was not onerous, especially in comparison with the cost of the airfare.

This issue goes to the heart of the contract between the taxpayer and the Government. We contribute, so that we might later benefit if we are in need. This lady has never contributed, and it seems did not take out any cover, despite (presumably) knowing she was pregnant in an alien country. Why does she not have insurance? The seriousness of her condition, the astronomical cost of treating her, and the fact that at least one other person on the waiting list else *will* die if she is given one of the finite supply of hearts, are all almost irrelevant.

Why does she have the right to be treated when she has not, and never will, contribute? I say again. She was an adult, travelling to a foreign country, with the means to pay for her travel, with responsibilities both for herself and her unborn children. I know this sounds incredibly callous, but, why does she not have insurance?

Moai Day

2006-05-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up, opened my BIRTHDAY cards, had a BIRTHDAY shower and shave so I would look nice for the BIRTHDAY dinner that la belle Mademoiselle Moai is taking me for, and then turned my phone on and got a BIRTHDAY text.

You'll never guess what day it is today.

I am sure Homer Simpson, Burt Bacharach and Jonah Lomu are also celebrating.

Red

2006-05-11T05:52:00.000-07:00

Wearing red enhances sporting performance, apparently.

I wonder of the recent performance of Wales has been taken into account?

Simple, really

2006-05-10T04:11:00.000-07:00

A lot of people are scratching their heads as to why John Prescott has been retained as Deputy PM, with all the trappings of office, while having been stripped of his department and portfolio.

The reason is simple.

If Prescott was sacked as DPM, under Labour rules, there would have to be an election for the job. And right now, Tony knows the Party will not pick any of his favourite people for the job. They will inflict on him someone who will make his life a lefty living hell. Imagine a Deputy Prime Minister Jackson. Or DPM Skinner....

UK Democratic Forum updated, with a related topic.

Bits & pieces

2006-05-09T04:09:00.000-07:00

Proof that the NHS has finally succumbed to total idiocy. (via the excellent Dr Crippen.)

And, from Down Under, proof that some people are effectively immortal. Keef reminds me of my roleplaying days - some daemons had the words 'cannot be killed by conventional weapons' in their description, and it would appear he's the same. Long may he defy all medical expectation!

YEEEESSS!!!

2006-05-05T04:33:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining, it's Friday and the fat sweaty baboon is GONE!

YEEEESSS!!! Ahahahahahaaaaa!

Happy weekend, one and all.

X vs Y

2006-05-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

Before I went on holiday the Nameless Tory and I spent a fruitful afternoon debating one of the most important questions of our age - namely, who would win in a fight between Doctor Who and Judge Dredd.

I am putting my cards on the table and saying that, as much as I love Doctor Who, the winner here has to be Judge Dredd. I am not the only blogger who's a big fan. LargeTrousers also advocated MegaCity One's finest, citing his sheer bloody-mindedness and track record against celebrities, and ScaryDuck is obviously a fan too.

The NT was on the side of the Gallifreyan. The NT conducted a straw poll amongst his co-workers and, with Mugabesque psephology and vote manipulation, found for the Doctor. However, he also got some votes for the Terminator and a crocodile. Which shows that some people shouldn't be allowed to vote. But, I digress.

So, I am throwing this open to the blogosphere. What do you think? LawMaster or TARDIS? Sonic screwdriver or Lawgiver? Billie or Walter The Wobot? (actually, that is no contest.) The man who travels to the end of time, or the man who beat Death himself? They can both reincarnate.... Seems an even match, so it would come down to sheer grit. Therefore, Dredd, by a nose.

Next week: Yoda v Gandalf.

Comment-me-do!

Not yet

2006-05-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

Reports of The Moai's demise are greatly exaggerated; I have spent the last two weeks in Sri Lanka with my beloved, and have *not* been shot at by the Tamil Tigers. At all. Previous holidays have involved being in New York the first time Osama Bin Laden tried to blow it up, and getting caught up in an armed police chase in Havana. It would seem that I attract this sort of thing.

Normal service to resume shortly.

TM

The death of debate

2006-04-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

In a week where the mainstream parties have been given their wake-up call, Labour's response is this.

Misty meme

2006-04-13T02:33:00.000-07:00

Via the ever excellent and not-mad-at-all Nanny Ogg collaborator Misty, a meme.

On my birthday, three interesting facts, two births and one death:

Facts:
The Tate Modern opens in London
The Stones release Exile On Main Street

Births:
Tony Hancock & Burt Bacharach (woo! there were loads of cool ones, most pleased with that)

Death:
John Dryden, poet

Transcript....

2006-04-13T01:42:00.000-07:00

.... from Flight 93 on September 11th here.

Chilling stuff.

KLF is gonna rock you

2006-04-12T03:45:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, at HMV in Bond St, while shopping with my beloved, an eighteen month search finally came to an end; I finally got hold of a copy of the mighty KLF's White Room.

For the uninitiated, it is probably fair to say that the KLF were one of the most influential bands of the last thirty years. Their unbridled musical genius was matched only by their sheer swivel-eyed madness. They mixed Gary Glitter with Doctor Who to get a smash hit summer number one, and then wrote a manual so anyone else who wanted to could do the same, guaranteeing them success in three months flat (download it here.) They got sued by Abba, wrote songs about ice cream vans, burned a million pounds on a Scottish island, had an unhealthy obsession with sheep, and announced their departure from the music business at the Brit Awards by firing blanks from a machine gun and lobbing buckets of fake blood at the front row. When they broke up they deleted their back catalogue (hence my lengthy search) in order to *encourage* their fans to copy their material. In the thoroughly dull world of late eighties pop they were utterly incendiary. Pop music is unlikely to see the same combination of situationist anarchy, wonderful music and sheer vitality for a long time.

Popjustice pay tribute here, and you can find out more here, here and here.

Blogroll updated.

Making it more interesting

2006-04-12T03:03:00.000-07:00

I have been following the Italian elections. You may well wonder why, as I live in London.

Well, for a start, it is great TV. Berlusconi is utterly barmy and prone to saying some very odd things. Secondly, their psephology is head-damagingly complex - a mix of FPPTP and PR, where getting 0.1% majority by vote gets you two more seats, further complicated by the presence of so many parties in fragile coalitions.

But, best of all, there is the Italian presenters. We have Kirsty Wark and Andrew 'Brillo Pad' Neill, they get this. Genius.

Oh, and just to contribute my tiny little bit to the best of Googlebomb of all, Charles Clarke sweaty baboon, Charles Clarke sweaty baboon.

Teehee.

Write like you mean it

2006-04-11T02:13:00.000-07:00

Recent visitors to the Lighthouse (all three of you) will have noticed a certain monomania creeping in. Frankly, even thinking about ID cards and the LARRB is giving me headaches, so from now, I propose to write about anything *but* the sort of topics that are, in any case, better covered elsewhere (Devil's Kitchen, Dead Men Left, Bloggerheads, ChickYog etc.) I am not as funny as these three men and cannot write like these three women. So, I am going to follow the old maxim, and write about what I know. And, more importantly, what makes me happy.

What does make me happy? Well, the scent of my girlfriend's hair. Old cars. Wales actually winning something. Good veggie curry. But, to start, music.

One of the most significant moments in my life came one boring Sunday afternoon when I was eleven. My mother, as she so often is, was ironing. I was looking through my mother's LP collection. I came across one album that had great cover art; an airbrush picture of a man with hair like a halo and huge, melancholy eyes. I wondered what he sounded like. I carefully removed the record from the sleeve, blew off the dust, and placed it on the turntable.

A second or three after the needle landed on the record, the opening notes of Hey Joe rang out, and two minutes later I had started a lifelong affair with music via the sublime Jimi Hendrix. It was a total awakening. Since then, I have spent hundreds on obscure CDs, followed bands, been in bands, and worn some awful t-shirts, and it all dates back to that moment.

If there was more to do in Wales on a Sunday afternoon in the early nineties, I'd never have found that album that day.

Hoorah for boredom.

UKIP campaigning

2006-04-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

Now that's what I call aggressive campaigning. Where the f*ck did they get an armoured car from? And, is it safe to give people like this an armoured car?

The UKIP bloke shows how in touch with normal, modern Britain he is when says that 'Mr Cameron had let Tory voters down "like a cheap pair of braces"'. Does anyone know anyone who still wears braces, outside of the City?

Join UKIP and get free top hat and pair of spats!

How are genuine, concerned, non-loony Eurosceptics supposed to vote?

Bank holidays

2006-04-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

The campaign to make St George's Day a bank holiday

In the spirit of British brotherhood (Welsh I am, but certainly not a swivel-eyed nationalist), I am saying 'yes'.

Plus, I want an extra day off.

The Italians have sixteen bank holidays per year - eight more days off a year than us - twice what we get! We have the second lowest number of bank holidays in the EU. I'm all for Euro-harmonization on this point of policy....

Who would object? Well, CEOs who need to keep the lumpenproletariat at the grindstone 24/7. And, you may say, well, they don't have that many votes do they? They are the only ones who would object, but do not make their feelings known through voting. They make their feelings known about policy through party donations. What MP will propose this motion when he knows funding could well dry up if he doesn't keep this sort of odious plutocrat happy?

An extra bank holiday would be a wonderful thing for worker-friendly party to do. Which is why New Labour won't do it.

Help, I'm on the Piccadilly Line

2006-04-07T01:55:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, it is actually possible for a London Underground driver to get lost....
I wonder how often this happens? Never happened to me in three years of daily Tube use.

Tune of the day: History Repeating by the Propellerheads and Shirley Bassey.

Job

2006-04-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

Anyone looking for a Parliamentary researcher job in Westminster?

Just don't ever rummage around in his briefcase.

I fought the law, and the law won, under new anti-terrorism legislation

2006-04-05T03:16:00.000-07:00

Great story in today's free recycled Evening Standard rag, Metro.

An Asian bloke got a cab to an airport, and, en route, played some music from his MP3 player for the cabbie, who expressed an interest. The tunes played included 'London Calling' and 'White Riot' by The Clash and 'Immigrant Song' by Led Zep.

The cabbie thought it was all a hidden message, rang the police after he got out, and the Asian guy got stopped and searched at the airport under anti-terrorism legislation. ....

I have most of the Clash and Led Zep canon on my MP3 player (which is not an iPod). If they find out I am also carrying Machine Head ('let freedom ring with a shotgun blast'), the Manics ('Repeat after me/F*ck Queen and country') Johnny Cash ('I shot a man in Reno/ Just to watch him die'), a lot of Asian trance, and Leftfield ('Burn Hollywood, burn') I'm going to end up in Belmarsh.

I hereby charge you with possession of loud music, with intent to rock!

It says a lot about modern Britain that a cabbie thought an Asian guy listening to The Clash on his way to an airport was a terrorist.

You'll have one whether you bloody well like it or not

2006-04-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

From The Register:

The new UK Identity and Passport Service, spawned out of the Passport Service after the ID Cards Act became law on Saturday, has celebrated its birth by trying to stop people renewing their passports whenever they want to, whether or not the passport is about to expire. The change in terms and conditions has been slipped into the website without announcement, and is quite clearly ID card related...

Read all of it here.

And so the fist tightens around your throat....

Abolition Of Parliament Bill

2006-04-04T01:39:00.000-07:00

From the same shower of b*stards that brought you ninety day detention, ID cards (see below) and the ban on peaceful protest outside parliament, the Legislative & Regulatory Refom Bill. A lovely bit of branding, that; they have made it sound crushingly dull when it is actually the means by which any minister who so chooses can bypass parliamentray debate and introduce any law he sees fit.

Read all about it here. Then weep for the death throes of democracy, then, finally, rage for the contempt New Labour obviously has for its electorate.

Important message

2006-04-03T04:21:00.000-07:00

Via Arthur's Seat:

No ID here

By round robin email to Seat Towers comes a missive from Frances Stonor Saunders, the author of the Cultural Cold War. It is an impassioned argument against ID cards and deserves publication in full:

You may have heard that legislation creating compulsory ID Cards passed a crucial stage in the House of Commons. You may feel that ID cards are not something to worry about, since we already have Photo ID for our Passport and Driving License and an ID card will be no different to that. What you have not been told is the full scope of this proposed ID Card, and what it will mean to you personally.

The proposed ID Card will be different from any card you now hold. It will be connected to a database called the NIR, (National Identity Register), where all of your personal details will be stored. This will include the unique number that will be issued to you, your fingerprints, a scan of the back of your eye, and your photograph. Your name, address and date of birth will also obviously be stored there.

There will be spaces on this database for your religion, residence status, and many other private and personal facts about you. There is unlimited space for every other details of your life on the NIR database, which can be expanded by the Government with or without further Acts of Parliament.

By itself, you might think that this register is harmless, but you would be wrong to come to this conclusion. This new card will be used to check your identity against your entry in the register in real time, whenever you present it to 'prove who you are'.

Every place that sells alcohol or cigarettes, every post office, every pharmacy, and every Bank will have an NIR Card Terminal, (very much like the Chip and Pin Readers that are everywhere now) into which your card can be 'swiped' to check your identity. Each time this happens, a record is made at the NIR of the time and place that the Card was presented. This means for example, that there will be a government record of every time you withdraw more than £99 at your branch of NatWest, who now demand ID for these transactions. Every time you have to prove that you are over 18, your card will be swiped, and a record made at the NIR. Restaurants and off licenses will demand that your card is swiped so that each receipt shows that they sold alcohol to someone over 18, and that this was proved by the access to the NIR, indemnifying them from prosecution.

Private businesses are going to be given access to the NIR Database. If you want to apply for a job, you will have to present your card for a swipe. If you want to apply for a London Underground Oyster Card, or a supermarket loyalty card, or a driving license you will have to present your ID Card for a swipe. The same goes for getting a telephone line or a mobile phone or an internet account.

Oyster, DVLA, BT and Nectar (for example) all run very detailed databases of their own. They will be allowed access to the NIR, just as every other business will be. This means that each of these entities will be able to store your unique number in their database, and place all your travel, phone records, driving activities and detailed shopping habits under your unique NIR number. These databases, which can easily fit on a storage device the size of your hand, will be sold to third parties either legally or illegally. It will then be possible for a non-governmental entity to create a detailed dossier of all your activities. Certainly, the government will have clandestine access to all of them, meaning that they will have a complete record of all your movements, from how much and when you withdraw from your bank account to what medications you are taking, down to the level of what sort of bread you eat - all accessible via a single unique number in a central database.

This is quite a significant leap from a simple ID Card that shows your name and face.

Most people do not know that this is the true character and scope of the proposed ID Card. Whenever the details of how it will work are explained to them, they quickly change from being ambivalent towards it.

The Government is going to COMPEL you to enter your details into the NIR and to carry this card. If you and your children want to obtain or renew your passports; you will be forced to have your fingerprints taken and your eyes scanned for the NIR, and an ID Card will be issued to you whether you want one or not. If you refuse to be fingerprinted and eye scanned, you will not be able to get a passport. Your ID Card will, just like your passport, not be your property. The Home Secretary will have the right to revoke or suspend your ID at any time, meaning that you will not be able to withdraw money from your Bank Account, for example, or do anything that requires you to present your government issued ID Card.

The arguments that have been put forwarded in favour of ID Cards can be easily disproved. ID Cards WILL NOT stop terrorists; every Spaniard has a compulsory ID Card as did the Madrid Bombers. ID Cards will not 'eliminate benefit fraud', which in comparison, is small compared to the astronomical cost of this proposal, which will be measured in billions according to the LSE (London School of Economics). This scheme exists solely to exert total surveillance and control over the ordinary free British Citizen, and it will line the pockets of the companies that will create the computer systems at the expense of your freedom, privacy and money.

If you did not know the full scope of the proposed ID Card Scheme before and you are as unsettled as I am at what it really means to you, to this country and its way of life, I urge you to email or photocopy this and give it to your friends and colleagues and everyone else you think should know and who cares. The Bill has proceeded to this stage due to the lack of accurate and complete information on this proposal being made public.

Together & hand in hand, we can inform the entire nation if everyone who receives this passes it on.

Buff-Hoon

2006-04-03T01:28:00.000-07:00

Britain has the most "aggressive, dismissive and intrusive" media in the developed world, Geoff Hoon has said.

And thank f*ck for that, because otherwise we wouldn't know about this, this, this, and - best of all - this. And they make life very difficult for you, don't they Geoff?

Man the barricades

2006-03-31T06:18:00.000-08:00

ID cards to be compulsory if Labour win the next election

Ah, the sweaty baboon says that, but will Gordon agree? After all, they are going to be mighty expensive....

Via the ever-excellent Mr Eugenides. Also, take a look at his very amusing email correspondence with a Nigerain 419 scammer.

The Nameless Tory is now blogging on his account, here (it's a Graham Green quote, apparently. Clever cove, the NT.) He cites/blames me for the pseudonym. If I'd known he was going to keep using it, I'd have tried to be more imaginative!

Why I am no longer a lefty

2006-03-30T05:01:00.000-08:00

The Nameless Tory points out that people do move rightwards as they get older. Or maybe that it is just common sense. Anyway:

I reject cultural relativism; Britain IS a better place to live then Saudi, and the reaons for that are cultural.

I do not believe Israel is the source of all evil in the Middle East. I believe prison can work.

I believe immigrants should integrate.

I believe it is time to ram, forcibly, the concept of free will down the throats of the judiciary; no-one makes you nick cars, no matter how poor you are.

Animal testing is necessary.

Foxhunting is not morally equivalent to genocide.

We can, and should, intervene in countries where people are being slaughtered en masse by their own governments - all the world leaders who were present at the UN Rwanda debates c.1994 have blood on their hands.

And I do not believe that the majority of the population of this country are suppressed raving racists who would rise up and start burning mosques, but for the armies of peole with the dreaded words 'diversity' and 'outreach' in their job titles.

However, I still maintain that the State should step in where people are unable to help themselves, and that health and education should not be run for profit. I believe in the right to strike, abused as it is these days (it enrages me when tube drivers strike for yet more money; miners used to go on strike for a better air supply underground.) And that the rich should be heavily taxed.

[steps down from soapbox]

I suppose you could call me Borisist, in some regards. Or maybe a Borist? Borisian? Borisite?

The problem with this blog is that I can never decide if I want to tell stories a la Greenfairy, do comedy like Scaryduck, or plunge straight into full-on politics like the Devil's Kitchen.

Be a good citizen

2006-03-29T06:23:00.000-08:00

And it would ensure that the British passport does not become "a second-class document". "I take the view that it is part of being a good citizen, proving who you are, day in day out," said Mr Burnham.

Prove who you are, citizen. Every day.

When I was at school, we had to wear white for cricket...

2006-03-29T06:09:00.000-08:00

..... but the 12th man for England always, always wore black.

Emotion and economics

2006-03-27T00:06:00.000-08:00

Those of you who bought the Sunday Times yesterday will have been struck by the front page story concerning the debate amongst obstetricians about the wisdom and viability of treating severely pre-term babies (c.25 weeks or less). These children require intrusive and painful intensive care, which can cost over £1,000 a day all told. The story in question was illustrated buy a picture of a an appealing blonde four year old child as he is now, and as he was when he was born, headlined Should this child have been left to die?

Which brings me to the point. Doctors do not raise such awkward questions as denying children medical care without consideration. The NHS is under tremendous pressure and there is only a finite amount of money. Before everyone starts foaming at the mouyth and screaming about me wanting to kill children, I would point out that this story is an example of blatant appeal to emotions in the face of cold, hard economics. So, let's throw thousands at caring for pre-term babies - but at the expense of what? Provision of midwives for mothers enduring difficult births?

Illustrating this story with such emotional imagery does nothing for this important debate and the Times should know better.

The Herceptin debate illustrated similar cock-eyed sentiment in the face of the facts. While the headlines screamed 'Breast cancer victim continues herceptin fight', perhaps they could have as easily read 'Medically unqualified voter demands thousands be spent on her while others die on the waiting list.' How many disabled children are denied the physio they need because money is being spent on vote-catching prescription? This man (see from 'Third Patient in....') is not getting the care he needs - and there are no headlines about him.

It is that simple, people - finite resources, and someone has to make choices. Pictures of babies help no-one in this debate.

Dress

2006-03-23T08:21:00.000-08:00

I don't often read the Torygraph but this is very good:
'It was about who really runs the schools in this country, and about how far militant Islam could go in bullying the poor, cowed, gelatinous and mentally spongiform apparatus of the British state.' Here.

What if a Pagan child demanded the right to manifest her religion by attending school skyclad?

Any day now

2006-03-21T06:07:00.000-08:00

Something to look forward to following a dismal Six Nations and a horrible cold snap: Bliar (no spelling error) wil be off soon. Guido points out that, on the betting exchange Betfair, 'the odds on (Blair) going between April and June have dropped from 8/1 to 4/1 and between July and September from 10/1 to 6/1...'

The Nameless Tory and I have a long-standing agreement that, on the day TB leaves office, we will down tools ASAP and repair to a London hostelry for several bottles of champagne. You're all welcome! Please put your email address in the comments, and on that Glorious Day I'll let you know where we are. Or you could just listen out for the sounds of joyous, slurred singing and raucous laughter.

Only in Japan - aggrieved monks unionise.

If you are buying or selling a house any time soon, read this.

Igs

2006-03-17T06:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight I shall be at the London showing of the 2005 Ig Nobel Tour, although regrettably without my beloved, who is ill. I shall feel suitably guilty about going! Anyway the event is here, and the awards here: my particular favourite out of the 2005 crop is the Economics Award:

ECONOMICS: Gauri Nanda of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, for inventing an alarm clock that runs away and hides, repeatedly, thus ensuring that people DO get out of bed, and thus theoretically adding many productive hours to the workday.

Blogging here may become lighter as I am now collaborating with The Nameless Tory on the UK Democratic Forum, our attempt to derive some sensible policies. Please pop over if you get the chance. As the Nameless One is something of a Luddite I fear the technodrudgery may fall to me; 'twas ever thus that the proles do the backroom work while the moneyed classes do the talking......

Clarke runs from constituent

2006-03-13T06:07:00.000-08:00

Rachel is one of the survivors of the July 7 atrocity. Her dad, a clergyman, tried to ask Charles Clarke why there hasn't been an inquiry yet. Clarke ran from him. Read it all here.

Thatcherism never existed

2006-03-09T01:12:00.000-08:00

Wholesale post from the Nameless Tory.

OK, what is an “-ism” (or ideology)? In general it is defined as a reasonably coherent body of ideas propounded by a philosopher. Thatcher was not a philosopher, and would probably beat you to death with her handbag if you suggested that she was. The ideas that fall under Thatcherism actually come from a variety of different sources, including Hayek and supply side economists. The only reason why she believed in them is because the status quo, the post-war consensus, had failed and she was looking for other ideas. Had the consensus worked, she would have stuck with that. There was no particular commitment to the ideas and she did not have a coherent view of society. The policies she implemented were those that she thought were right for that period in time.

Also, the only person to really try and tie the Thatcherite ideals together was Sir Keith Joseph. So even if you do believe Thatcherism exists, it should be Josephism rather than Thatcherism. (As the BBC points out until he made the “our human stock is threatened speech” Joseph was the favourite to replace Heath as leader.)

Apropos

2006-03-09T01:04:00.000-08:00

Apropos of this over at the excellent Stumbling And Mumbling:

The Nameless Tory:

Undeniably interesting. But would dispute the historical accuracy of some of it.

In many ways Wilson was a proto-Blair. He was a creation of the media – someone who actively played up to it. He also watered down the beliefs of his party to make it more acceptable to the middle classes. He was undeniably a great public speaker, and used to warm up audience by rebutting heckles so they were fired up for the televised speech. But his time in office is fiercely average at best, hence the fact that he managed to lose to Heath in 1970 (and in terms of votes received, 1974 as well).

Also Attlee cannot really be considered great. He was a good manager, and certainly his first administration achieved the most of any prior to 1979. But his successes were mainly down to the likes of the brilliant Bevin, Bevan and Cripps. Likewise, MacMillan was a manic depressive arch cynic but like Attlee he was generally effective at managing people allowing his more brilliant subordinates to manage the country. Very few of the Prime Ministers have been the brightest and the best – and if we are going on academic background, Thatcher should also be classed as brilliant as she was Oxford educated and worked both as a research Chemist and Lawyer prior to entering Parliament.

It is quite interesting to note that the likes of Eden, Douglas-Home, Callaghan and Major can all be seen as failures – but this is generally down to the fact that they replaced popular Prime Ministers from their own party. There was nowhere left to go for any of them except to the centre ground, which leads them to try and make their mark on history with some bold idea/policy. Be it the Citizen’s Charter or Suez. It will be interesting to see what on earth Blair’s replacement does (and I do not accept a Brown coronation just yet) as Blair has already sat in the centre ground. To some extent it would go against historical precedent for the replacement to move towards the left, but I struggle to see, given Cameron’s commitment to wishy-washy conservatism, where else they can go.

With regard to the security issue, yes, there is an iron wall around Blair that Wilson did not have. But times are very different. There have been at least two credible plots (one by the IRA and one by Al-Qaeda) to kill Blair at public events. And there has been an extremely close call on a PM – the Grand bombing on Thatcher was just feet away from claiming her life. And Blair is still much more accessible than the US President, for example, who will enter and exit a building under a tent *just in case*.

The Moai:

I would argue that serious academic intelligence is almost a bar to a political career. Aside from the fact that the electorate by and large do not like openly scholarly characters (Clinton hid a world class mind behind public bonhomie and enormous charisma), intelligent people realise that real life is too messy, too complicated to be boiled down to quick fixes and one dimensional solutions (viz. my well worn theories on mental tools in problem solving.) Furthermore, in order to have the cast-iron self-belief you need to become a top-ranking politician, you must be incapable of doubt, and intelligence is, to my mind, at least partly, an acceptance of the sheer complexity of the world around you. Blair has cast-iron confidence - as he has recently stated, he thinks God himself is on his side, and that takes front - and that is why, by and large, he does well at PMQs, and made Major look so amateur in opposition. There is, however, a short push from self-confidence into hubris, and he has taken that jump.

Mangerialism in New Labour is endemic for a variety of reasons, not least that their top ranks are stuffed with ex-management consultants, and also that Blair et al are totally enamoured of big business.

The security issue also has negative impacts - witness Walter Wolfgang's hasty exit from the Labour conference, and subsequent detention under anti-terrorism laws.

Interesting points. Clinton is a highly intelligent man who combines intellect with good ol’ boy charm from the South. But he is not brilliant – he has some serious personality flaws, including a raging temper, jaw dropping self pity (note his tantrum in losing the governor’s mansion in 1980) and a uncontrollable libido based on poor self esteem that nearly cost him the White House.

I agree that you have to have an iron certainty in your beliefs to have the steely determination to get to the top. Thatcher had utter conviction that she was right, and that sustained her through some very tough times. It is interesting to note though that Blair has struggled against both Hague and Howard at PMQ – two men who were basically unelectable in spite of having iron convictions. The difference was that both Hague and Howard spoke from the heart, whereas Blair has had to water down his beliefs for the public. He is speaking from the heart through a spin doctor – witness Alastair Campbell’s''we don’t do Go'' pronouncement. Well, clearly Blair does.....

Perhaps the US security services could learn a lot from the US Secret Service. They maintain a highly visible presence but I cannot recall a time when they have done anything like the Wolgang moment. Probably the closest was their treatment of Hinckley. Then again, Hinckley had just shot the President in the heart so…

Coward

2006-03-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

Admitting it was a "political point", Mr Clarke said: "I think that was a serious mistake which you could not imagine happening in other countries ... certainly not in this country. It is a question of respecting others, and that means do not provoke or challenge the deeply held views of others."

It was Pol Pot's deeply held view that people who wore glasses were evil and should be shot. It was the July 7th bombers' deeply held view that the people on that train deserved to die.

I hate, hate, hate this mealy-mouthed crap and the people who spout it.

To me - to you - to me - to the worker's collective.....

2006-03-07T08:30:00.000-08:00

"The Chuckle Brothers' bungling is a manifestation of how two unskilled northern workers are unable to take pride in their work in a post-industrial society". Here.

Florida man beaten to death with a hammer in a row over bogroll.

Cannot come up with anything more coherent at the moment, incandescent with rage at

a) incompetence and mendacity at work

b) Tessa sodding Jowell

c) This: 'Shamsul admires the courage of Mohammad Sidique Khan, the leader of the (July 7th bombers)...'

There's trouble on campus, pa!

2006-03-06T05:27:00.000-08:00

I work at a university. I just walked past the student union notice board. It seems they are organising an inter-society 5-a-side football competition. I note that the societies taking part include:

Sri Lankan Society
Tamil Soc
Islamic Soc
Christian Union
Jewish Soc

Is it just me, or is this a tremendously bad idea?

Currently reading: The Best of 'Dear Bill'. Utterly hilarious. Full of (what purports to be) dear old Dennis Thatcher's missives to Bill Deedes re; 'the Boss' (guess who), frightful old lefties and snifters on the links.

A bit of flag-waving

2006-03-01T01:51:00.000-08:00

Dydd Dewi Sant Hapus, one and all!

I am pleased to see even Google is marking the occasion in their logo. If you do buy a daff to wear, please buy it from these people.

Today we celebrate the life of a saint (who actually existed, and lived in the country to which he is attached, as opposed to this man), and all things Welsh.

A day for singing, reading myths or poems, eating, and drinking this or that. I'll be here if anyone wants to come along!

TM

People are stupid

2006-02-28T05:29:00.000-08:00

'All in all, people are dubious about the arguments for ID cards, and broadly receptive about the arguments against them. Despite this they continue to support ID cards, implying that people give greater weight to the perceived benefits than the perceived drawbacks - yes, they think ID cards will be expensive, inconvenient and open to abuse, but they want them.'

So, people recognise they are a bad idea, but they still want them.

'Mnuuuhhh! ID caaards keep darky men out! Bleeeurgh! Me nothing to fear! Mnnnghnghghgh!'

Hat-tip to the Europhobe.

'We don't see the lesson of every society....'

2006-02-27T06:58:00.000-08:00

'....that if you do not place constraints on official power, its instinct is to grow.'

Here

On Viz

2006-02-27T03:56:00.000-08:00

Very few other countries would ever publish something like it. Viz represents some of the best traits of the British character. Discuss.

A favourite Viz related story is when Trinny and Susannah threatened to sue them after the published a comic strip spoofing them. Viz told the press 'We are unable to comment on the legal moves as we have yet to stop laughing.'

Viz does represent a lot of great British characteristics. It is satirical, self effacing and is exceptionally good at deflating those with too high an opinion of themselves. It is also a good example of an organisation that built itself up from nowhere. I mean, it is now a national magazine who has created nationally recognised figures – Roger Mellie, the Fat Slags, Sid the Sexist. And it basically started from someone’s bedroom. There is quite a strong argument that only Britain could produce something like Viz, as we are an intensely culturally aware country but also not self obsessed enough to take offence when our culture is mocked. Viz operates very well by exaggerating life, rather than by making up things.

Drunken Bakers is fascinating as it is not actually funny, just deeply disturbed and probably quite an accurate (if slightly exaggerated) representation of alcoholism. I think it must be quite difficult to write something that bleak. You must sit down and think about the worst scenario possible. It must be a bit like writing The League of Gentleman.

Some of my favourite letters have been in Viz, including 'I note with interest that the Pope has announced that limbo is not longer part of Catholicism as it is a Christian hypothesis. What, like God you mean?' and the wonderful 'Having read the reproduction of your first issue given away free with your magazine, I wish to express my incredulity that there was ever an issue two'

There is some quite sophisticated critique in it too. A few issues ago Gilbert Ratchet was going to 'poke some light hearted fun at certain aspects of Islam.' In the next frame, he changed his mind: 'Oh no, readers! I think I'll go into this church instead!'.....

Note also Richard Little John, Major Misunderstanding and Baxter Basics.

You've got to love a magazine that bills itself as 'not as funny as it used to be.'

Ah yes, the wonderful Susannah & Trinny - Fatty & Thinny. Re; its legal history, they once received a cease-and-desist letter from Kappa re; Tasha The Kappa Slappa. They claimed Viz' portrayal of their product would damage sales.

Viz replied that the people who wear Kappa don't buy it, they steal it.

Also, the Special Brew 'central heating for tramps' incident. Carlsberg were unable to prove anyone other than tramps actually bought the stuff.

My current favourite Viz letter is: 'I would like to congratulate my wife on her successful breast reduction operation. It was only a bit of backache, you selfish b*tch.'

It’s odd, Viz are in that position where you have to laugh with them as they poke fun at you or you come across as utterly humourless. They do have that ability to cut people down to size quite effectively.

On Ken Livingstone

2006-02-27T03:52:00.000-08:00

Ken - well, I'll say this, he delivered on manifesto promises. His personality cult worries me and he is obviously extraordinarily profligate (hordes of staff, free Pravda-like newsletters, new building etc.), but he has taken full advantage of his tenure to make changes to London that most people, by and large, like - the improvement to the buses, for example, has been great. And I hate pigeons too, and I think cars should be restricted in city centres. He has been lucky - London is right now in an economic purple patch, so people can afford council tax rises - but he's played the hand he's been given well. Your thoughts?

Ken – certainly London is doing well at the moment but I am not convinced about how much that it down to him. I think there is still far too much difference between the best areas of London and the worst. Also, he is someone who actively seeks controversy – be it entertaining Islamic Fundamentalists or insulting Jewish people. Now his job is to be Mayor of London but he tries to intervene on a national and international level – and has yet to do or say anything helpful. Also, he does bring his office into disrepute with his comments and, on occasion, brawling. I think of him as similar to Galloway – awkward for the sake of being awkward rather than because of any deep seated beliefs. If you take someone like Tony Benn or Enoch Powell – they are/were also awkward and controversial, but you get the impression it is because of their beliefs rather than an attempt to carve out an identity. I think you could easily replace Ken with someone else and the only tangible difference would be the lack of controversy.

Interestingly, Mayor of London is one of the few elected jobs I would actually want to have.

Car maintenance and rugby news

2006-02-24T02:19:00.000-08:00

Fix your old Renault with Frederick the Frog.

In other news, Casteignede returns, the Jocks think they can beat England, O'Driscoll and Henson are likely to smack each other on Sunday, and apparently the Ayatollah - blessings of Allah, Buddha, Yahweh, and JPR be upon him - lost it in spectacular fashion on BBC Wales the other night.

That's your Friday morning rugby update, and I'm The Moai. Now here's Rachel, with the weather.

Fat chance

2006-02-22T04:07:00.000-08:00

Good to hear: Oxford students (and others) protest against violent ignorant Luddites.

Apparently, the ALF say '"This is just the beginning of our campaign of devastation against anyone linked in any way to Oxford University. Every individual and business that works for the university as a whole is now a major target of the ALF. The University have made a crass decision to take us on and we will never let them win."'

Look here, sunshine, Oxford has outlasted two world wars, numerous parliaments, a civil war (where we were on the wrong side), a restoration, several riots, at least 43 monarchs, a reformation and the Black Death. We've produced 47 Nobel laureates, seven saints and a pope. Do you really think you're going to win?

How times change

2006-02-17T07:23:00.000-08:00

It's true that you get more right wing as you get older; as ChickYog points out here, with his trademark economy and bile, Peter Hain has gone from placard-waving anti-apartheid campaigner to hardline NuLabourite in only thirty years.

The smoking ban and personal freedom

2006-02-15T03:38:00.000-08:00

This week's debate between myself and the Nameless Tory.

I would suggest debating ID cards but we are agreed on that one so it would be more you and me ranting at the incompetence of the Labour government and the fact that it is a staggeringly poor piece of legislation than a debate.

So instead – the total ban on smoking – your thoughts.

To get the ball rolling I think the first government to impose a total ban on smoking on a section of its population was the Nazi regime.

The government of Bhutan has a complete smoking ban in place. I suppose you could call them a benign dictatorship. Very few people there are smokers anyway, so I think they are trying to nip a potential public health problem in the bud before it occurs.

It is undeniable that a total ban on smoking in public places WILL improve health. It will cut consumption for most smokers, help others give up, and stop the effects of passive smokers on you and me. As an asthmatic, surely that can olnly be a good thing. I have just got back from Rome, where a similar ban is in place, and we all noticed that we felt better in the morning and our clothes did not stink, as a result of smoke-free bars. Same in Dublin.

Now, let us consider the issue of personal freedom. A lot of people say this is an infringement of liberties. BUT, one can still smoke at home, and unlike alcohol (to which tobacco is often compared), beer cannot be passively consumed and thereby damage the health of those nearby*. As an ex-barman I can tell you that staff will appreciate this. Remarkably few people, compared the rest of Europe, smoke in this country anyway.

On a personal note, my mate Nick (who you must meet some time, top chap, and a very incisive thinker) has been trying to give up for years. He is very annoyed that they have banned fags but he does think it may help him give up as he only smokes a) when he's in the pub or b) when he's doing exams. SO, if he passes all his patent exams this year, he can knock his rolly habit on the head.

Hang on, where the bloody hell am I supposed to smoke all my cigars now? Oh a*se.

* - discounting behavioural issues!

I agree - it will increase the health of the general population. Passive smoking is a serious health issue (as the death of Roy Castle proved) and some mornings after a heavy session in the pub I find myself craving a cigarette. Also, if smokers are forced not to smoke when they are in public places then it cannot help but cut down on their intake and therefore the damage they are doing to their bodies. I tend to ignore cosmetic issues though, so the smell of clothing in the morning is irrelevant to me as an argument for the ban just as the supposed “atmosphere in pubs being partly down to cigarette smoke” argument against the ban is also irrelevant.

The issue of freedom is the key for me here. Do we have the right to harm our own bodies, be it through smoking, through alcohol etc? I would argue yes. But we don’t have the right to inflict damage on others, which smoking undeniably does. But then again, we know that pubs are smoky environments, so if we go into them, we accept the risk of passive smoking, surely? One compromise might have been to have, for each licensed pub that allows smoking, a requirement for councils to license a pub that does not. But the wider question of freedom is interesting and concerning when you look at the government legislation over the past two weeks – religious hatred bill, ID cards, smoking ban and the return of the terrorism bill – they are cutting back on what we can do, think and say. They are also trying to register us by the back door with ID cards. Now I am not claiming that there is any particularly nefarious reason for Blair doing all this – I think he is just doing it to claim he has done something even though he is ducking key issues like the failure of the NHS and the education system. But he is also being hopelessly naïve – just because his reasons for restricting freedom seem right to him does not mean that the next guy will have similar views. Again, Lenin and Stalin. The road to hell…

I was thinking of changing the fledgling UK Democratic Party into the UK Democratic Forum – where intelligent people from very different backgrounds can debate key issues and hopefully come up with well thought through suggestions for potential policy.

Is it not a general feature of government that as laws creep on, freedom is generally eroded? Did the last Conservative administration cut away swathes of old legislation? Has any government ever actively attempted to curtail its own control? This is a genuine question, you know more about politics than me!

Imagine that as a manifesto. 'We won't make new laws - we'll hack away old ones.' Four years of nothing but chopping through swathes of red tape. I like that idea.

Back in the days when I was naïve enough to want to be an elected politician I always thought that would be part of my manifesto. Going into power and looking at every department, every civil servant, and saying – “Justify yourself if you want to exist. If you can’t, you will cease to be government funded.”

The question of governments relinquishing control is an interesting one. In general the trend is towards more centralisation and more control. Although it can be swings and roundabouts. The Thatcher government cut back on legislation from the Wilson/Callaghan years that controlled unions by increasing legislation that suppressed them. But generally there is a groundswell of approval in the US for administrations that cut back on government control. Take Nixon’s policy of block grants for example. Instead of giving states money and telling them how to spend it, he gave them blocks of money and let them spend it in whatever way they saw fit. And Reagan, G H W Bush and G W Bush were all elected on platforms that promised a reduction in government control. Quite how that fits in with Bush Jnr’s policies like the Patriot Act and the ever increasing restrictions on abortion and stem cell research I don’t know. And G H W Bush backed a constitutional amendment to ban flag burning.

It tends to work out that as one freedom is lost another is gained, and there is a lot of truth in the old adage that the price of liberty is constant vigilance. The ID card bill got through, but it was a drastically watered down piece of legislation – partly owing to the opposition in both houses of parliament and also owing to the work of the likes of No2ID.

Mmmm, pie

2006-02-15T02:16:00.000-08:00

find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

Via the good people at Blog Pie!

'....That world-wide bib for academic dribble...'

2006-02-08T05:33:00.000-08:00

Talk amongst yourselves. No wait, go read this.

Protest

2006-02-06T05:55:00.000-08:00

A lot of people are shouting and screaming outside embassies around the world right now, and I imagine not too many of them know why. Some of them are carrying very worrying placards and advocating terrible acts. There have been deaths. As ever, I struggle to find an appropriate response.

In 1963 a Vietnamese monk called Thich Quang Duc decided to voice his frustration at the oppression of his religion by the incumbent president. He did not kill anyone. He did not threaten anyone. He settled himself calmly at an intersection in Saigon, had his robes doused in petrol, and burned himself alive.

Could there be a stronger, more profound, more unselfish, more inspiring protest? Do any of those now threatening whole nations with murder have the selfless, titanic piety to do this? Well?

Prescott backs the Education Reform Bill

2006-02-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

Here

'Now look here you fat c*nt, you'll back this or the press will be finding out about a lot f*cking more than council tax bills, crystal? Now f*ck off outside and make this statement. It's all in words of one syllable so you should be able to stumble through it.' - A Campbell, 2006

Danish cartoons and the BNP

2006-02-03T05:55:00.000-08:00

As per usual, the Nameless Tory and I debate the above issues; namely, the acquittal of Nick Griffin, and the furore over the Mohammed cartoons. His comments italicised.

I think Nick Griffin and his bunch of pig ignorant no-hopers probably were guilty of attempting to inspire racial hatred. Everything they said was based on fact, but a very selective interpretation of the facts to inspire hatred against Muslims. One example is the use of the phrase Muslim rather than Islamic fundamentalist. Everyone with half a brain cell (and Griffin is not stupid, just ignorant) knows that there is a massive difference between a normal Muslim and someone who straps a bomb to their back. He called Islam a 'vicious religion', when the truth is vicious people hide behind the religion. And the suicide bombers/rapists are as close to the normal Muslim as a pro-life extremist who blows up an abortion clinic is to a standard Christian.

I also think that the Muslim world have done themselves no favours with the hysterical reaction to the cartoon of Mohammad. Yes, it is probably offensive, and I do not know how I would react to it if I was Muslim. But it is satire and everyone and everything is open to criticism. The fact that the extremists in the Muslim world are taking to the streets, burning flags and brandishing weapons, is not good. At best it looks like they can’t take a joke. At worst, they are proving the odious Nick Griffin right.

And this leads me to my main point. I believe that Griffin should be able to think freely about his beliefs. And I think those involved in the anti-cartoon protests should seriously think about their actions. Because I do believe in free speech, but also acknowledge that free speech can be very challenging. I don’t think we should suppress satire, and I don’t think we should silence those with extreme beliefs. The way Griffin and his ilk can be stopped is not through putting them in prison and by making them martyrs for their cause, but rather by hearing their case and arguing against it. Because if you dig beneath the surface of the BNP, it’s not about offering people the chance to return home. Scratch the *moderate* surface that Griffin tries to exude and you have a very nasty core to that party. Because they believe we fought on the wrong side in World War Two, and there is an extremely concerning believe on what should ultimately happen to those with different coloured skin and different faiths. The death camps would be re-opened, in a nutshell. So let’s deconstruct his arguments, and throw the extreme part of his party and his belief system back in his face. Suppress him, he becomes a martyr. Deconstruct him he becomes what he is – an ignorant joke. Let him talk freely. Give him enough rope to hang himself. And if the Islamic world finds the cartoon offensive, acknowledge the right of the cartoonist to draw what he thinks, and then offer a calm, rational argument as to why it if offensive. Make the cartoonist appear insensitive and ignorant, rather than yourselves as hypersensitive militants.

So much of this comes down to the old liberal maxim (misquoted here): 'I hate what you have to say, but I would defend to the death your right to say it.'

What are you thoughts?

I think it is very important to turn the full glare of publicity on idiots. It facilitates deconstruction of their ideas. Banning the airing of controversial views, and parties that espouse them, dignifies them. (Have I ever told you about the doorstep debate I had with a BNP member?) You are right, they are vile people, and their rhetoric is a veil for far darker ambitions. The problem is the chasm in modern political debate; the mainstream parties cannot and will not address certain issues for fear of causing offence, the BNP goes straight for the jugular and appeals to people's most base and xenophobic instincts, and in the middle, the Sun-reading white van-driving, man on the street thinks, how many more bombs on the tube will there be? If mainstream parties fail to address people's basest fears, extremists will. BNP electoral successes have all been in areas of high unemployment and mass ghettoised immigration. While the middle classes chatter about the positive effects of mass immigration (cheaper au pairs, more restaurants), it is the people in housing estates who actually live with its effects and if their issues are NOT addressed, the BNP will gain more and more support. Addressing the issues = open debate.

Re; the cartoon, people have come to expect lunatic over-reaction from the Muslim world. It is generally most hysterical in countries which have the most autocratic and corrupt governments. It is worth noting that many people have no concept of freedom of speech of satire because those concepts do not exist in their countries. It is notable that here in the UK the papers and the Beeb have exercised self-censorship. It is also notable that Danish imams demanded, in the first instance, that the Prime Minister stop Jyllands Posten publishing the pictures, which implies they do not fully grasp the concept of an independent media. Kudos to Rasmussen for refusing to do anything about it, at least in the first instance; Blair would have capitulated as fast as you can say 'marginal Muslim constituency.'

Does the right to free speech include the right to insult?

Every time something like this happens there is flag burning and gunfire in places like Tehran and Gaza. I think I shall set up a flags and ammunition chain in the Middle East. I'll make a fortune. 'Buy three boxes of ammo and get a FREE Danish flag! Two for one on all flammable Bush 'n' Blair effigies!'

Yes, the right to free speech includes the right to insult. But in a properly open climate where debate is welcomed rather than feared as something new and odd that might aid terrorists, if you insult, be ready to justify. Because in general if you are insulting, you have already lost the argument.

The dead trees finally catch up

2006-02-02T02:58:00.000-08:00

My, I have been quiet of late.

The Danish Mohammed cartoon furore hits the dead trees, a very very long time after the blogosphere had extensively dealt with it. The now sadly defunct Fjordman blog in particular led the charge. More and more I see this; a fascinating story, very often from countries outside the UK. The web, and blog readers, do not recognise borders, so we get to see these things first. I wonder what we'll see next! More at Harry's Place.

The MSM doesn't even seem to be handling it very well.

I am unsure of my own view of this. I am fairly sure that:
- one should have some respect for the taboos of another's religion, to the extent compatible with morality and law, if only out of sheer politeness
- religions should NOT be above criticism - I came to my own faith through active criticism and consideration of monotheism, and if certain books and websites critical of monotheism had not been available to me I might not have taken the happy path I have
- many people do self-censor in the the face of opposition from *certain* faith groups

How would I feel if the Buddha was portrayed in an unflattering light? I wouldn't like it, but it wouldn't dent my faith, and I would certainly not be threatening violence over it.

As Laban points out, there are interesting parallels between the Danish cartoon furore and the debate over the religious hatred bill.

Rosa Klebb

2006-01-30T04:31:00.000-08:00

The woman who merrily ordered the deaths of hundreds of thousands of healthy farm animals tells you how to look after your gerbil.

Sex, scandal and Simon Hughes

2006-01-27T06:06:00.000-08:00

As ever, italicised text is the Nameless Tories.

Right, what are we going to debate this week?

Sexuality in politics – Oaten, Hughes and the Gordon Brown is gay rumours. Should it matter, and should it being a resigning issue?

Now I hate Simon Hughes, I hate him with a passion. I hate his undeserved piety, his sanctimonious television style, I hate the way he talks and the way he looks. I used to live in his constituency and I hate the lack of pedestrian crossings on Southwark Bridge Road just metres away from a primary school, I hate the stench of poverty that pervades the air in spite of his supposed principles and how long he has been MP in that area. I actively campaigned against him in the last general election. I take a lot of satisfaction that he lost 9.8% in 2005, with the Tory vote increasing by 4.9%.

But I have some sympathy for him this week. The Evening Standard headline of “Hughes – I’m Gay” really is not telling the story at all. He said he has had affairs with men and women, which surely makes him bisexual. And the concept that he should stand down because he is a single man who has had relations with both sexes is farcical. Particularly given he is running for the leadership of a left wing party that claims, in its title, to be liberal. He’s not Mark Oaten, there is no evidence he has broken any laws. He has also not cheated on anyone. He is a single man who has slept with other people. Shock Horror.

There is the argument that he lied. Yes, he did repeatedly say he is not gay (although, semantically, he’s not. He’s bi-sexual, so he could argue he has been asked the wrong question). And admitting you’ve been lying is never good for any politician, particularly one as preachy as Hughes. But why should he come out before he is ready? It can take people a long time to reveal to their families that they are gay or bi, and they often lie about it before they admit to it. And this is 100 times worse for Hughes, as he is announcing to the nation (and the world) rather than just his peers. Yes, he lied about his private life. He didn’t lie about the reason for going to war, and there is no evidence that this lie has prevented him from fulfilling his duties as an MP.

There you go, me defending Simon Hughes. And I genuinely thought I would be in my grave before I ever did that.

Your thoughts?

The issue here, as is so often the case, is about our view on morality. You are right that his admissions in no way hinder fulfillment of his duty as an MP, and one could even argue that everybody (even politicians) has the right to some form of private life.

Let us suppose he has breached some form of morality, whether by lying or by being bisexual (and let's be honest, that does offend a lot of people.) What interests me is that we expect high moral standards from politicians. Why do we expect them to live lives of total moral probity, even behind closed doors? I propose it could be because they are so willing to sell their personal lives as part of the package - Gordon, the cuddly family man! Dave, the plan-speaking ex-SAS soldier! Also, it may have something to do with the fact that the decisions they make impinge on our private lives, so we feel they owe it to us to 'do as I do.'

There is also the argument that it is easier - far easier - to dismiss a politician for being immoral than it is to dismiss him following a lengthy and cool-headed assessment of his policies. Why think, when outraged morality provides instantaneous answers for you? Many people hold Alan Clark in contempt for example, but I am willing to bet most of those people who dislike him do so beacase of his 'colourful' private life, not because they have studied his tenure as employment secretary and concluded that he was useless.

Ignoring the obvious problems of having a large number of people in this country still regarding any form of homosexual activity as immoral, the point about personal lives is interesting. Certainly some politicians advertise their private lives as a reason to vote for them. And if you are advertising on something then you also have to deliver on it. Oaten is an excellent example of this – he publicised himself as a family man, even doing family based photo shoots, at the same time as paying a rent boy for sex. But Hughes does not run on the basis of his private life, it is not part of the “Hughes package” so to speak. Even if you do see homosexuality as immoral Hughes has not made his private life public, others have done it for him.

I have got to stop defending Hughes, it feels unnatural.

Jesus does Joy Division

2006-01-26T02:18:00.000-08:00

This is utter, utter genius.

'.....a character representing Jesus will sing the legendary Joy Division anthem Love Will Tear Us Apart before dueting his arch-betrayer Judas on the New Order hit Blue Monday, according to senior church sources involved in the production.'

Jesus doing Love Will Tear Us Apart and Bez as a disciple (''E's the son of fooking God, innee? Magic.') Brilliant.

Coming soon: the story of the Koran, with Mohammed performing Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter by Iron Maiden, and the Pali Canon, with Buddha played by Bryn Terfel performing Give Peace a Chance. As long as Kula Shaker don't get involved in the Mahabharata we should be OK.

Hang on, it's not April 1st, is it?

Lycra-clad mushroom-headed f*cknuts

2006-01-25T01:28:00.000-08:00

To the cyclist I saw on my way to work today on the pavement who nearly crashed into me, then swore at a woman with a pram who was 'in the bloody way';

The next time you find yourself wondering why motorists give you such a hard time when you are on the road, bear in mind that pedestrians are very often drivers, YOU SELFISH ANTISOCIAL W*NKER.

Ahem. Sorry. Normal service to be resumed shortly.

ID cards by the backdoor

2006-01-24T01:48:00.000-08:00

The UK is to go ahead with a biometric-backed system of ID verification this year, whether or not the ID Cards Bill is passed by parliament.....

Seen on the door of a laser physics lab

2006-01-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

DO NOT LOOK IN LASERBEAM PATH WITH REMAINING EYE

Meanwhile, the Trousers are out of the closet again.

What on earth could they mean?

2006-01-20T05:07:00.000-08:00

A whale spotted in the Thames. Story here.

'There was no immediate comment from the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott.'

:)

Problem? What problem?

2006-01-20T03:43:00.000-08:00

'We think we should now try to move the debate on from the specifics of rendition'

Translation from the NuLabourish into English - We've been caught bang to rights. We don't want a debate of any form. If we clap out hands over our ears and go 'lalalala not listening to yooooou lalalala' eventually you plebs will go away.

I heart the Lords

2006-01-19T05:34:00.000-08:00

They are unelected, unaccountable and a bastion of inherited privilege and cronyism. But, by all that's sacred, they are all that lies between us and NuLabour's 1984 vision of society, and they are very very good at dismantling the crap:

'Although the government seeks to pretend otherwise, our ID card project is uniquely vast, complex and intrusive. It risks outscandalising the Eurofighter, the Millennium Dome, the Scottish parliament, the driving licence and NHS computer projects and a host of other less daunting cock-ups.'

Hat tip to Europhobia.

The trial

2006-01-19T04:03:00.000-08:00

Nick Griffin, execrable leader of the thoroughly contemptible BNP, is up in court on race hate charge. This is interesting, for a number of reasons, but a few are:

- if his comments are aimed at a religious group, surely they are not racist, per se?

- if his comments are true, is that a defence?

The comments that have led to his arrest relate, in part, to accusations of rape in Bradford. Allowing for this report, these accusations may be true. If they are true, then surely he is exercising a right to free speech? Does it matter if the comments in question are true, under the race hate laws?

The Ruth Kelly Affair.

2006-01-16T05:33:00.000-08:00

Sex offenders in schools and the Ruth Kelly Affair. Discuss.

The Moai:
The question is, what do you define by a sex offender.

Now, if one is caught, say, accessing a website, as the law stands one can accept a caution rather than go to court - you become a sex offender by basically accepting the accusation, without any due process beyond that.

However, if one does decide to go to court, one could be acquitted by a jury. Therefore, on one hand you could have people who are basically innocuous accepting guilt, while on the other hand someone who could well be a genuine threat taking the chances in front of a jury and possibly getting acquitted. Person A is on the so-called List 99, Person B is not. Food for thought, I think.

Another interesting angle to this is that apparently certain offenders were allowed to work with certain types of children depending on their particular predilection eg. someone who has been accused of interfering with boys is only allowed to work with girls, offenders with the young are only allowed to teach sixth formers etc. This debate is very multi-dimensional, which is unfortunate as the redtops just want to turn it into 'BLAIR GIRL LETS EVIL PERVOS INTO SCHOOLS.'

The Nameless Tory:
I agree with most of what you say. I think there is a world of difference between someone who has viewed indecent images on the internet and someone like Robert Black or Ian Huntley. There is a world of difference between going onto the wrong website and raping a child. Also, accessing a site does not mean that you were aroused or gained sexual gratification from that site. Someone who has viewed child pornography is not immediately going to go out and molest a child, just as viewing hardcore pornography does not make someone go out and rape an adult. There needs to be an assessment of how likely that person is to harm a child. If there is a risk, then of course they should be on List 99. But if there isn’t, then the law is draconian and unfair.

Also you can be a sex offender and have committed a crime that does not link with kids in anyway. Someone who drunkenly raped a woman, served the time for it and is now fully rehabilitated is surely no danger to children. Our justice system is based on the concept of rehabilitation (Is it? Well, it should be, but I question whether it is, as it is so frgamented. TM). List 99 denies that rehabilitation.

You’re absolutely right – the problem lies with the knee jerk reaction of the media. Check out the headline of today’s Daily Mail for a good example. Crimes against children are horrific, and we have to protect kids in schools. But the danger posed by these offenders who have slipped through the net is nowhere near as great as you would think from the media coverage. A child is far more likely to be killed walking to school by a car than by a teacher. And an interesting stat illustrating the priority given to maintaining the safety of kids is that with a standard murder, there is a 1 in 10 chance that it will be solved. With the murder of a child, that rises to 9 in 10.

The news

2006-01-16T05:30:00.000-08:00

It appears that my major function in life is to allow the Nameless Tory to vent his mad rambles on the blogosphere. Before the nurse sedated him, he sent me this:

Lib Dem Leadership candidates back Kennedy for Leader

The four candidates vying for the leadership of the Liberal Democrats have apparently panicked at the fact that their party is no longer regarded as the “nice party” and have reacted by backing Charles Kennedy for leader.

In a four way conversation about the future (the term debate was banned for being too aggressive) the candidates all fell over themselves to be nice about the drink sodden Kennedy, until they all appeared to drop out of the race in favour of the slurring, sweaty Scotsman. Mark Oaten began the butt licking of Kennedy with the statement “I always thought Charles was great. He did so much for our party. And he was great to go for a beer with.” The one who no-one has heard of before continued with “I would agree with Mark there. I thing it was disgusting that some people in the party plotted against Charles. Just because he was incapable of doing his job on repeated occasions does not mean that he should be removed from his post.” Menzies Campbell, who has dubbed himself Ming in a vain attempt to appear “merciless” rather than just old, apparently took the one who no-one has heard of’s comment as a dig against him, so responded with “I backed Charles all the way, and actually got down on my hands and knees and begged him to stay.” However nothing prepared the audience of disinterested, bearded sociology teachers for the dramatic speech from Simon Hughes. Summoning up all of his piety Mr Hughes said “as you know I am a committed Christian as well as watered down socialist, and I can honestly say Mr Kennedy is the closest person I know to the Second Coming of the Messiah, and our behaviour over the past few weeks has been the equivalent of crucifying Jesus. I supported Charles to the last and would want to continue to support him in the future.”

Sensing that he had been upstaged once again the charisma less Oaten decided to try to upstage Hughes by dropping out of the race and backing Kennedy for leader. He was followed immediately by Hughes, then by a reluctant Campbell and then by the one who no-one has heard of. By the end of the friendly conversation Kennedy was the only man in the race and therefore the presumptive winner of the leadership race.

Charles Kennedy was unavailable for comment, apparently having been laid low but a “stomach bug.” However David Cameron issued the following statement whilst cycling back from lunch at the Savoy: “Crivens. Those jolly old Liberal Democrats are really going to put that terribly nice fellow Charles back in power? I never thought it would be this easy, what!”

BBC announces rafts of remakes by famous writers

In the wake of the success of the remake of Doctor Who by writer Russell T “Dafyd” Davies, the BBC have announced a number of remakes if classic sci-fi programmes by a variety of high brow TV writers.

Programmes commissioned include Jimmy McGovern’s Sapphire and Steel, Stephen Poliakoff’s Blake’s Seven, Paul Abbott’s Star Trek and Dennis Potter’s Red Dwarf. A spokesman for the station said that they were desperately excited by these new commissions “not least because they can plug the holes in the schedules currently filled by the episode of Only Fools and Horses where Del Boy fell through the bar.”

There were some criticisms by the press about the announcements, not least one commentator who pointed out that Dennis Potter would struggle to work on Red Dwarf owing to his death in 1994 from smoking too much. However the spokesman replied “Dennis is a challenging and ground breaking writer with a real determination to see the saga of the Dwarf back on our screens. We do not see him being stopped by the minor problem of his death over a decade ago.” Another reporter pointed out that the BBC did not own the rights to Sapphire and Steel or Star Trek. The spokesman responded by making the retard face and saying “dur, that’s why they will be remakes, thicko.”

In other news it was announced that the hour long, highly expose of the David Kelly affair has been pulled from tonight’s schedule. Instead the BBC will show the episode of Only Fools and Horses where Del Boy falls through the bar.

The inaugural Good Egg Awards

2006-01-13T06:32:00.000-08:00

Brought to you by the Nameless Tory and the Moai, it's the first annual Good Egg Awards, in association with the Immigration Service (''Three grand to bugger off home and stop being our problem, no questions asked.').

We all know what a Good Egg is and it is about time that rare and luminous quality was recognised. It seems that someone can hold virtually any political beliefs, do any sort of job, be of high or low birth, and still be a good egg. Good eggedness seems to be independent of many other traits, and all we can put our fingers on is general sense of tremendously likeable, unflappable avuncularity. The Nameless Tory defines it as 'the ability to come up with a glib but charming reply to almost any question/statement and above all an easy, but genuine looking, smile'.

Boris Johnson, Tony Benn and Steven Fry are definitely good eggs. So was Ronnie Barker. I think Jonathan Humphreys may have it. I am not sure if it is necessarily a British thing; I think Clinton might be GE, as may Kelsey Grammer, and definitely Desmond Tutu and John Sentamu (new Archbishop of York, Ugandan). I think women can have it; witness Thora Hird and Dawn French. Brian Blessed appears to personify good eggedness. My just-this-minute-developed theory goes that you would happily buy a drink for a good egg, for example Steven Fry. You would pay not to spend time with a bad egg, for example George Galloway. But anyway, we all know one when we see one.

Nominations open now - please send yours in.

Categories:

Good Egg (male)

Good Egg (female)

Bad Egg (male)

Bad Egg (female)

Services to Good Eggedness

Posthumous Good Egg Award (for historical figures and the like)

Suggestions please!

NT & TM

Politics

2006-01-13T06:26:00.000-08:00

'Be a good chap and take the fall, old boy... we can get you a peerage and a nice safe job in the City.... after all, Ruth has her whole career ahead of her, wouldn't it be a shame to lose her? Yes....'

From The Nameless Tory:
I’d imagine Kim Howells got into work this morning and was very surprised to find that he had admitted to the mistake. Even more surprised when he found that he had made a statement about it. I can imagine him making the calls now:

"Campbell, what the hell is going on? I never made that statement!"

"Don’t f*cking sweat it son, we made the f*cking choice for you. You don’t get a f*cking choice in the b*stard statements you make. F*ck that. What, you think Prezza actually f*cking volunteered to pay that council tax? That fat c*nt? Do me a favour. Now, listen up son, you’re resigning this afternoon and offering a heartfelt apology to the nation. Don’t worry, it’s all ready written. All I need you to do is pack up your belongings in the black bin sack I left on your desk. Oh, and don’t f*ck about. Security will be with you in 5. Mess with them and you’ll end up on a hillside with a belly full of pills and a slashed wrist, know what I’m saying? Laters."

In other news, Prezza f*cks up again. DK (whose blog is one year old today, I'll raise a glass to that) raises the interesting question of why such an increasing liability is still in power...

Another good reason to hate and fear the government

2006-01-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

'Eighty-year-old John Catt served with the RAF in the Second World War. Last September, he was stopped by police in Brighton for wearing an "offensive" T-shirt which suggested that Bush and Blair be tried for war crimes. He was arrested under the Terrorism Act and handcuffed, with his arms held behind his back. The official record of the arrest says the "purpose" of searching him was "terrorism" and the "grounds for intervention" were "carrying plackard and T-shirt with anti-Blair info" (sic).

He is awaiting trial.'

From here.

Hat tip to the Hamster.

UPDATE: NuLabour are at it again on detention - they didn't get 90 days without trial so they are going for 60 days via the (unelected) back door. This story needs publicising so do pass it on....

Things you weren't aware of - Number One

2006-01-12T04:39:00.000-08:00

Part One in an irregular series where interesting things you weren't aware of are showcased. With free binder.

All right-minded people know and love 2000AD. But I, for one, was unaware of the existence of Big Dave...

'By far the most controversial story of this run, though, was Big Dave, a satire of British tabloid attitudes starring "Manchester's hardest man". In Big Dave's world, the German national football team really are Nazis, single mothers really do get a fortune in state handouts, Diana, Princess of Wales and Sarah, Duchess of York are portrayed as gold-digging tarts making fools of the Royal family, and Saddam Hussein, who rides an ostrich, is in league with aliens who want to turn earthlings into "poofs".... Big Dave divided readers like nothing else the comic had ever published.' From here.

Bonfire of the correctnesses

2006-01-11T02:08:00.000-08:00

This is great. I am not surprised the managers are unsure what to do; if a Muslim officer refuses to work with a gay officer, does the manager opt to:
- Display religious insensitivity, or
- Endorse homophobia

The Copper will no doubt get a good laugh out of this.

On the illegality of suicide

2006-01-11T01:24:00.000-08:00

Italicised text is from the Nameless Tory, plain text is mine. Comments very welcome, we are both feelign our way through this issue

Suicide must be illegal. Discuss.

Legality of suicide; well, why? The usual reason to make an act illegal is to attach penalties to it, as a deterrent. Is there any evidence that making suicide illegal is a deterrent? The likes of Diane Pretty should have the right to voluntary assisted suicide, as she could not have undertaken the task herself. We treat dogs better.

I am sure you will come back with a devastating counter-argument based on something obvious that I have missed.

There is a difference, I think, between someone who is terminally ill and going to die in terrible pain and someone who is going to take their own life owing to a disturbance of their mind/mental illness.

I support assisted suicide (as long as it is regulated) and the right of someone who is terminally ill to take their own life. That’s not to say I think it is right, but then again that’s not the point, is it? The reason why I would consider arguing (and I need to think this through a lot more myself as it is an idea that has only just occurred to me) for illegal suicide is twofold.

Firstly, people who take their own lives are probably disturbed on some level or at least suffering from some sort of mental impairment. Therefore they perhaps do not have the ability to make such a fundamental choice as to whether to die or not. Now I'm not saying everyone who is suicidal is mental, but the desire to die indicates that the balance of the mind has been disturbed. The legislation could require those who are suicidal to be hospitalised whilst their rationality is assessed. Whether you would keep them in custody or release them when they were declared to be sane (and the legal definition of sanity is a whole different can of worms) is open to debate, especially if they claimed suicide was still their intention.

I don't think the threat of forced hospitalisation would act as a deterrent; after all, your intention, if you are serious about suicide, is death. Imprisonment is irrelevant. What I was more thinking about in terms of a deterrence is to try to stop the cry for help scenarios – people who attempt suicide but have no intention of dying. This is a drain on the resources of the NHS, and a fundamentally selfish thing to do. A lot of the cry for help cases are actually a cry for attention. Just as there is a charge of wasting police time surely there could be a charge of wasting hospital time? Problematic and difficult to enforce, I know, but worth considering.

Is there a criminal offence of wasting hospital resources? If so, Munchausen's Syndrome is legally actionable....

Amusement

2006-01-10T04:33:00.000-08:00

Friendship between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

Shamefully ripped direct from the Scrum V chatboard.

If anyone can recommend a good hotel in Rome near the Stadio Flaminio I'd be most grateful.

A long debate post on suicide between myself and the Nameless Tory to follow.

Weirdly pinging

2006-01-09T01:38:00.000-08:00

The Pedant-General has pinged me with the 'five weird things' meme, bless 'im. I fear I am rather boring in comparison with some people, but, here goes:

- I can speak backwards, fluently, and have been able to since I was five.
- I once appeared on Chinese TV, in a documentary about American universities. I was passing myself off as a student at Yale at the time, staying on a friend's floor there till I could get a flight home, and I happened to be enjoying a coffee that morning when the cameramen appeared. I didn't want to own up so I let them film me reading a paper and looking studenty.
- I chose my own middle name.
- I was the guitarist in The Purple Headed Warriors. The name was *not* my idea.
- I appear far younger than I actually am, which actually causes me problems at work. I am hoping someone markets a sort of reverse 'Just For Men' that adds grey to your hair, because I am tired of being mistaken for a student.

I have noticed that this blog gets far more hits (and, indeed, comments) when I write about rubbish as opposed to when I try to write about something clever. This may well influence editorial poicy here at the Lighthouse. Well, if I want to be a hit-whore anyway.

Less-than-Gorgeous George

2006-01-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

I thought a mate of mine was joking when he said Geoge Galloway was in Celebrity Big Brother. Then I overheard someone at lunch mention it.

So I checked.

I cannot believe it.

HOW desperate for publicity is this man? He is a PAID representative in Parliament and he is going on BB!

Blair must be furious. GG has cameras on him 24 hours a day, to which he can say whatever he wants, to an audience who are usually politically apathetic. It's so brazen it's ingenious.

Bez won last year. I am rooting for Maggot from GLC.

Stalin, ill, and stuff

2006-01-06T01:24:00.000-08:00

Last night on BBC4 there was a documentary about Stalin; a very learned chap called Jonathan Meades travelled around the USSR looking at his legacy, in terms of things like architecture and art. Two things I was not aware of; how stunning Moscow underground is - it's like an opera house down there - and that the Soviets under Stalin actually developed a crude form of weather control in the form of cloud seeding, that Uncle Joe used to prevent rain on parade days. I wonder if anyone is still working on this. What price the opposite effect in sub-Saharan Africa?

Also, Downfall was on again. Everyone needs to see this powerful, disturbing, amazing film. This is how history should be taught.

In other news, I am ill. Well, 'man-ill' anyway. Any women reading will know what this means...a concept a female friend of mine introduced me to. As in, you bumble around clutching a hanky and declaring that you are dying, but you refuse to go to a doctor or take a day off, thereby allowing further martyrdom.

The only thing that got me to work today was the Revolting Cock's brilliantly sleazy version of Do Ya Think I'm Sexy, which is joining the Moai's List of Cover Versions That Are Better Than The Original. Other members of this select group include Nothing Compares To You, All Along The Watchtower, Megadeth's version of Anarchy In The UK, The Clash's I Fought The Law, Bobby Womack's California Dreaming, and Gary Jules' sublime Mad World. Other nominations appreciated.

UPDATE: courtesy of the Devil's Kitchen, I hereby add Soft Cell's Tainted Love. Which I didn't even know was a cover. I bow down to DK's superior musical nerdiness.

We have established a Good Cover can exist. The question is now, are there any good film remakes? To use a Yankism to describe a Yank atrocity, the new Matt Damon-fronted Italian Job sucked. Same for Stallone's Get Carter.

On Charlie K - yes, he lied previously. But personally, I think it is bloody brave to air your alcohol problem in public and throw down the leadership gauntlet. I feel for the guy. It is such a taboo, when it is so common. George Best wasn't vilified, in fact he was virtually beatified on deat, so why should Charles be? He remains, in electoral terms, the most successful third party leader since the war.

Alcoholism is an utter blight. A very perceptive mate of mine once noted that it must the hardest addiction to live with as alcohol is everywhere - you can't walk down a street without passing a pub or an offy, and no-one is going to arrest you for having a bottle of whisky on you.

UPDATE: Wyndham, I must take issue with your criticism of digital TV. It's great. You can watch 24 hour a day Friends & Hollyoaks on E4, Little Britain repeats on BBC3, endless police chase shows on Men & Motors ('Australia's WILDEST Police Chases - Xmas Special!!!!'), and indulge yourself with hedge trimmers and costume jewellery on QVC. It's great.

Darwinism vs Intelligent Design

2006-01-04T05:48:00.000-08:00

....when I was talking with a mate last night the subject of ID v Darwinism came up. As a science teacher, she is obviously against ID as it is belief and not science. But she mentioned that Darwinism also requires leaps of faith as the actual links, say between a fish in the water and then a breathing fish, are next to impossible to prove and therefore if the ID people were to use their brains rather than their blind faith they could very easily pick holes in it. Does this fit in with your knowledge of the facts and the debate?

Disclaimer; I did my degree under Richard Dawkins, Robert Scotland and Tom Kemp, so I am heavily steeped in cladistic, palaeontological Darwinism.

Darwinism remains the best and only verifiable explanation of why things are the way they are. Without it, nothing makes sense. Why would a God who created all species uniquely do it with such similar physiologies? If I do not share an ancestpr with chimps, why do I share 98% opf my functional AND non-functional DNA with them? If I am the creation of a perfect God, why is my back (and feet for that matter) so badly designed for bipedalism? Darwinism explains so much, so powerfully. ID just creates more and more and more questions.

Darwinism makes very few assumptions. All it requires is a self replicating system (tick) which makes the odd error (tick, see first law of thermodynamics) which competes with other systems for limited resources (tick), and a long enough time to act (tick - 3.8 billion years is the current best guess. Each revision of that date has pushed it back.)

ID requires the assumption of an omnipotent creator. I leave you to weigh that one up.

Big leaps (and coming on to land is a good example) do require a little thought. Evidence for how such things functionally happened generally depends on fossils and fossilisation is a very very rare event (the chemistry to turn a biomaterial into stone is non-trivial). However, in the case of terrestrialisation, we do have some lovely fossils: ichthyostegids like Acanthostega and Ichtyostega, all with fin-like protolimbs and modified gills which can breathe air (providing they are kept damp, just like our lungs, really.) We will never have a complete fossil record. Just because we lack a few pieces of the puzzle is no excuse to throw the whole puzzle away.

Every time God-botherers point out a hole in the fossil record, it generally gets filled by professionals who know where to look. Archaeopteryx, for example. Debate is ongoing as the nature and speed of major biological change - Goulds punctuated equilibria vs Dawkins' gradualism - but that is the point, we debate and we modifgy and we refine our theories. I would love to see an ID proponent try explain the evolution of antibiotic resistant Staphylococcus. God hates penicillin, maybe?

ID believers are welcome to continue trying to shoehorn the evidence into their presumptions of a God. That is their fundamental problem - each time more evidence comes to light they have to somehow shoehorn it into their assumptions, instead of letting the evidence change the theory around it (as DNA evidence is constantly changing our assumptions about what is related to what and when it all diverged). I know of no killer piece of evidence that knocks old Charlie off his perch.

Meanwhile, he rest of us will continue to marvel at nature in all its incredible diversity and astonishing unity, as it is.

I could go on as crushing ID is just far too much fun.

Signing out

2005-12-21T07:11:00.000-08:00

I am heading back to the land of song shortly, so this blog will be even more inactive than uusal over the next two weeks. Merry Winterval, one and all. In the meantime, I reserve special winter greeting for federal Judge Jones for robustly defending evolution and accusing creationists of 'breathtaking inanity'.