Train manager's announcement

'Welcome to this 2140 train to Nowhere, calling at Emptiness, Despair and all stations to Framley. Smoking is only permitted in coach C, also known as the cancer carriage. Tramps, snogging students and smelly hippies can be found in coaches D to F. Toilets can be found at the end of every carriage, and will both resemble and smell like a mid-summer open sewer. Coach B is a quiet carriage, so tossers who want to bellow into their mobiles should bugger off elswhere to annoy us all. A can of warm Stella is available at the bar for £4. The next station will be somewhere you have never heard of, and no-one will get off there. Thank you for travelling with BastardRail.'