Wednesday, December 14, 2005

What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?*

Surviving tube journeys is not easy. Particularly now. People are still, I think, a little on edge following the July attacks, Christmas shopping frays nerves, and there are always the tourists (one of who I saw trying to feed a fiver into a ticket slot at Green Park yesterday.) But there are coping strategies. I keep a copy of the Dhammapada on me at all times to flick through, and I also find having a chill-out playlist on the MP3 player is useful. I imagine it would be difficult, nay, impossible, to stove someone's head in with a mandolin case while listening to Pachelbel's Canon, and it is difficult to be anything other than sublimely langourous when listening to Kinobe's Slip Into Something More Comfortable. Nutters - just say no to random violence on the tube. Say yes to one hit wonder Baroque German organists.

My work Christmas pary is next week. I will have to suppress my terrible Tourette's-like urges to say outrageous things. Note to self - telling your kindly, fifty-something church-going boss jokes about dead prostitutes is a potentially career-limiting move.

In other news, robot Santas invade Cardiff, Iranian headcase with access to nuclear weapons denies Holocaust, and Scary has CBM (catastrophic bowel malfunction).

David Cameron has been declared to be the lucky recipient of the Losing The Next Election Award. Which means I lost a tenner on DD on BetFair (come on, 34-1 odds in a two horse race?!?) If DC really is that clever, why does he want to be PM? Why would anyone? I wouldn't want to be PM. I pontificate about politics but that level of responsibility and media intrusion would be scary. Who'd want such a job? I once read a lovely short story about a town where they selected a leader once every ten years by going round to every eligible person and asking them if they wanted to do it. The person who said 'not bloody likely' most vociferously was promptly thrown into office, but not allowed to own or accumulate ANY form of private property while in office. The theory went that people who want to rule should never be allowed, while those who do not would be most aware of the ramifications of their actions. The private property rule ensured they had no opportunity to enrich themselves anyway. I sort of like it, in a Alice-in-Wonderland sort of way. (If anyone can name this story I would be most grateful.)

Oh, and Nosemonkey points out a neat example of what we can expect when the centralised ID card database is foisted on us.

Matthew Hoggard rules!

* - half a cat.


Blogger Mr Eugenides said...

If I recall correctly, "Slip into something more comfortable" was the music for a rather good Kronenbourg ad in which a beautiful woman sipping a beer distracted various policemen, workmen etc from their tasks, leading to mayhem and bodily injury. So, you see, that CD of chillout tunes isn't always a force for good...

3:03 AM  

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