Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Hoax calls

From Wikipedia, Some of Victor Lewis-Smith's finest:

- Calling the office of That's Life! pretending to be a trombonist in a wheelchair, who then collapses while trying to play the Sailor's Hornpipe at extreme speed down the phone. (Lewis-Smith appears to have a particular loathing for Esther Rantzen.)
- Telephoning the Monopolies and Mergers Commission and asking them why there was only one such organisation.
- Phoning Harrods department store and asking if if he had got through to the H.A. Rods shop, before enquiring about returning an allegedly faulty vacuum cleaner which he claimed (in a halting voice) to have bought 'to suck dust off sausages'. As the conversation progressed it became increasingly clear to the call staff and the listener that the caller had bought the appliance for purposes of simulated oral sex and had injured his penis while attempting this act.
- Phoning a hotel in New York and asking the receptionist to announce over the tannoy to ask 'General Pinochet' if he could hang fire until further negotiations with the United Nations, which she unsuspectingly did.
- Ringing the White House, and using the synthesized speech system of a computer to impersonate Stephen Hawking and demanding to speak to the President.
- Phoning BBC Radio and applying to be a continuity announcer, while pretending to have Tourette's Syndrome and reminding them of their equal opportunities policy.


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