Thursday, November 24, 2005

Expenses/Bush/Betting on DD

From: [nameless accountant in our finance dept]
Sent: 24 November 2005 16:51
To: [company]
Subject: Expenses

Please remember that if you want your expenses paid before Christmas, all expenses must be returned to me no later that Friday 2nd December.


[nameless accountant]

From: The Moai
Sent: 24 November 2005 16:53
To: [nameless accountant]
Subject: FW: Expenses

But, please, Miss Scrooge, if I don't get my three shillings and ninepence expenses afore the blessed day of our lord's birth, Tiny Tim won't eat... and he's been sorely ill, Miss Scrooge.... gawd bless yer, Miss Scrooge, I'll get back ter counting yer gold now, Miss Scrooge [cough cough]


More bitterness by the bloke who is funnier than me:

“President utters “racist jibe” - Mis-quoted according to senior aides.

“The President of the United States appeared to misspeak at a press conference on the issue of capital punishment, causing considerable consternation in Washington and beyond. Fortunately there were stern administration press spokesmen on hand to correct the wayward White House press corp.

“The problem occurred shortly after noon, when the President rose to begin the day’s work. He met with the press and commented on the tragic murder of UK policewoman Sharon Beshenivsky, saying that he fully supported Blair’s pledge to bring back the death penalty in the UK. Saying it was “time to give something back to old Tone” he went on to ignore a comment from a reporter that Downing Street had said Blair was against re-instating capital punishment. President Bush went on to warm to his subject saying he would “back Blair all the way to the Rodeo” before going on to say that he looked forward to “standing shoulder to shoulder with Blair when he fries himself his first n*gger!”

“At this point the Press corp broke into uproar and the Secret Service decided their questions were a clear and present threat to the security of the President and consequently rushed him from the room to a top secret bunker known as “Junior’s Bedroom”. Confusion ensued until a White House press spokesman arrived and told the press that “in no way” had the President used “that terrible racial profanity.” In fact the President said he would stand shoulder to shoulder with Blair “when they try that terrible cop-killer.” There were some criticism of this explanation, not least when several video tapes of the were played of the incident, but the spokesman asked whether they were going to take the word of a flawed and “easily fabricated” video tape or rather listen to the “gospel truth” of President Bush. He went on to say that the explanation was now set in stone and anyone who disagreed was “not only contradicting the word of the President but also probably in league with the towel heads and hurricanes that this administration has worked so hard to fight.”

“It has been confirmed that a number of TV stations and newspapers who had reporters present at the meeting have contacted the President offering their sincere apologies for doubting him and also assuring him that it would never happen again.”

Cheney code name revealed

“A leaked report from the US Secret Service has revealed Vice-President Cheney’s code name as “Goblin Prince.” The report stresses that this codename was not an insult to the pug faced Vice-President, but rather a request from the man itself.

“According to the report Cheney sulked when he was told that his codename would be “Trucker-man” owing to his shady and probably corrupt links to the Halliburton Group. The only way the Secret Service could get him to stop sulking and spitting at them was to ask him what name he would prefer. He instantly said “Goblin Prince.” The report reveals that he chose “Prince” because “one day a prince becomes king” and “Goblin” for family reasons.

“However his request initially met with conflict from others in the White House, with Senior Presidential aide Karl Rove also requesting the very same code name. When asked why, pudgy faced baldy Mr Rove apparently replied “well, look at me.” There were some strong disagreements between Vice-President Cheney and Deputy Chief of Staff Rove until the Secret Service decided to give the name to Mr Cheney, arguing that “that useless fat b*stard doesn’t need a codename because we ain’t giving him protection. Someone shoots that c*nt, well, they’d be doing the world a favour.”

“On hearing that he has got his chosen name Mr Cheney apparently did what the report calls “a goblin dance”, cackling and jerking his rotund body around his office until his heart started to give way and he had to be returned to the iron lung which he spends most of his time in.

“The White House was unavailable for comment. Seriously, all of it. “

I have put money on David Davis to win the Tory leadership. Seriously, the media may love Cameron but the media aren't voting on this, Tory members are, and word in the camp is that this is a two horse race. Besides, it is DC's to lose and DD's to win, and I have a horrible feeling that coming hustings and potential sordid allegations may unseat DC before the last post. The odds available as I type are incredible (I got 17:1!) so why not?

This may be the first time ever a Welshman stands to profit from Conservatism.


Post a Comment

<< Home