Awful/tips

Is this the most spectacularly awful debut in football ever?

Tips of the day:
Ice cold vodka on cotton wool will reduce pore size around and on the nose.
A shallow scratch in a wooden table can be effectively hidden by heating a dark brown crayon with a lighter and rubbing it into the scratch.
The crayon would, of course, be chocolate-flavoured, if certain companies had the foresight to get behind some great ideas (see Lighthouse passim).